Greeting Idol Fans!

I could go into a big long fancy, witty intro paragraph, but since Ryan wasted no time with intros, neither shall I.

So without further adieu, the kids launch right into the Group song. OH we all knew it was coming. we knew it weeks ago when they announced Dolly Parton was scheduled to appear. You hear it in your head… that lone piano note…

dum dum dum dum dumdum dum dum….EVERYBODY TOGETHER!

“WORKING 9 to 5! What a way to make a livin!”

Oh yeah, you know you’re singing along. I’m actually surprised they didn’t bust out a sappy version of “Islands In the Stream” But come to think of it… I think that was done a couple of season ago and with equally hokie results.
On with the results. Ryan recaps the performance. I still think we’re funnier here at IdolBlather. But that’s neither here nor there. Ryan then begins the cattle call.

Michael Johns – You’re the first to the stage in your snazzy Dolly t-shirt and the first to be safe.

David Archuletta – Little dude, America is taken by your garden gnome good looks and LiteFM vocal stylings. You’re safe again.

Carly Smithson- Simon hates your fashion sense but it seems like enough fans love your voice. You and your skin tight jeans can head over to the couch.

Well, I’m beginning to develop a fear the first commercial break of the show. Would it be Ad-aphobia? Commerciaphobia? Whatever it’s called, it always seems to bring the dreaded Q&A time on Idol. I tend to zone out here or get up to get a drink (even with DVR) so I luckily miss the banter crap.

So I’m rehydrated from my Snapple and it’s time for a musical interlude. The Clark Brothers won American Greatest Band. I have absolutely NO idea why. They were like a dreadful morph of Ricky Skaggs and Fuel. Who knew you could “rock out” on a Mandolin?

They say bad things happen in threes. OK so we had the Q&A crap… the Clark Brothers… so that only leaves the Ford Commercial. Yep there it is. Must.. fight… urge… to buy… an Edge…

Back to the results.

David Cook – you had some trouble with your BP, but seems like America’s heart still beats for you. You’re Safe.

Ramiele Mulabay – You sweet little lychee, you got excited because you actually walked and sang at the same time last night… stellar. There’s no singing tonight, but you are walking over to the Bottom 3.

Kristy Lee Cook – Oh my gawd are you psychic? It’s like you knew you were going to be heading to the bedpan stools. Kristy, you are soooooo Bottom 3. YAY!! I got to say it. All is right with the world again.

After the break, we take an unexplainable trip to Nashville. We catch up with some former Idol stars…Bucky….Phil Stacey and Bo. Ryan mentioned something about seeing them again soon but I have no idea why.

Syesha Mercado – Given that there’s still 2 Idols left back stage, your odds of safety are pretty good. And they are indeed.

Brooke White and Jason Castro are the last 2 and….. the last Idol Kid in the Bottom 3 is Jas—- BROOKE!?!!? OK I am soooo not hearing what the whackados that voting hear. She’s been the Idol sweetheart for weeks and now she get a low number of votes? Wow America turns so quickly.

Well we have like 10 minutes left of prime time ad space so we won’t rip the band-aid off just yet Ramiele, Kristy and Brooke. You sit back and wallow in your Bottom 3-ness while we take another video trip into Idol Gives Back.

After IGB (Yes, I actually gave it an acronym,) the one and only Dolly Parton takes the stage to sing her new song “Jesus and Gravity” from her album. I know she’s a living legend and all, but holy crap is this bad. I’m all about shooting props to the 60 year old still performing, but maybe she ought to stick to the stuff she knows and is known for.Ok so it’s the final axe time. Brooke is already a ball of sob and rambles on about pouring souls into the show, and Idol Gives Back and how Dolly sang about Jesus and wah wah wah. Cripes. Ryan mercifully send her back to the couch of safety before she too full of snot.

And finally, probably less out of mercy and more out of the fact they were running out of time, Ryan delivers the news quickly, that Ramiele will be the one leaving us tonight.

So goodbye Tiny Malubay. You showed us that a giant voice could come from a little package. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to capture a giant piece of America’s heart. Well that, and you weren’t an plant. So good luck Ramiele. I know you will indeed cross my and thousands of fans minds, if even for a brief moment, each time we pour soy sauce on our tempura.

Peace, Love & really big… Hits,
Kristi

Greetings Idol Fans!

Unfortunately due to copyright infringement issues, there will be no IdolBlather recap this week….
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APRIL FOOLS!!!!!  Hey if Ryan can do it why can’t I?? 

ON TO THE SHOW!

Tonight’s Idol mentor is Dolly Parton.  The buxom “Backwoods Barbie” gives the kids lots of encouragement and lifetime passes to Dollywood.  Yee Haw Everybody.
Brooke

Our resident folk girl sings”Jolene” about a girl begging another not to take her man.  It wasn’t the best, but I think it was enough for Brooke to keep the man and her fans. I just have one fashion comment for her… Please please please, eat a sandwich!  She looked so thin I think the buttons on her pants were hanging on to her hip bones for dear life!

David C

Ooo, they did his hair better this week!  I think there might be some extensions in there.  It actually looks thicker.  Speaking of thick, he lays the rocker thing on thick for his cover of”Little Sparrow” with acoustic guitar.  Who knew you could take the twang out of Dolly’s hillbilly best?  He rocked it yet again this week.  I think the new ‘do is helping his “IT” quotient.

Ramiele

The tiny little pixie doll  attempts “Do I Ever Cross Your Mind” and shows how completely out of her element she is with the Dolly classic.  She kept it country but unfortunately also kept it Karaoke.  Definitely not going to be crossing anyone’s mind in the votes. I think you can tell the pressure of keeping up with the semi-pros is taking it’s toll.

Jason

The Rasta boy has a stalker chick in Colorado who sends multiple postcards at once.  Sweet.  With his rendition of “Traveling  Man” he yet again reminds me of a hacky sacks, hemp beads and bong water.  But at least this week, he picks up the tempo and the performance.

Carly

Ye Irish Lass  covers “Here You Come Again”  sans the 80’s pop country back beat and place in LiteFM playlist history.  She slows it down to a soulful pace and proves why she had a record deal  in the first place. Oh that’s right,no wonder she sounds so pro… she already was. But I’m not bitter…:D

David A

The baby hobbit covers “Smokey Mountain Miracles.”  OK honestly, does kid know at least ONE up-tempo song?  He is so sappy that if you stuck a tube up his butt, you’d get Maple Syrup.

Kristy

Could she having stepped in it any more?  Country week with Dolly Parton… this girl should be thanking the Idol Gods… or Idol Idols?  Either way, the whole freakin’ song was in her lower register and completely lacked personality and then she suddenly shoves the ending up into her “Big Finish.” The whole thing totally felt disconnected.  She needs to find her shoes and go home to the horse farm.

Syesha

As the only representative of R&B she of course had to pick “I Will Always Love You” by Dolly come Whitney.   Did anyone else get annoyed with the “propped up on the piano, staring into the camera” incessantly crap?  She does her best and shows off her pipes, but unfortunately the comparison to the original might be too much to overcome.

Michael

Ok the dude is wearing an ascot… or in his case, could it be an as(s)cot?  Hee Hee.  He goes all Joe Cocker gospel on “It’s All Wrong, But It’s Alright” and made us all say Amen.  He can leave his hat on.. he’s getting through another week with that.

So that’s our Top 9.  So which Idols will America always love, and who will be saying goodbye to stardom and back to 9 to 5?

Tune in tomorrow to find out!

Peace, Love and Pickin’,
Kristi