Greetings Idol Fans!

Did you know that this is the most talented American Idol season yet? I don’t know how anyone could have missed it since Ryan told us 7534 times tonight. Seriously, he said it so many times, if you made a shot game out of it, you’d be tanked by the first commercial break.

Idol Fashion Fix: Shoe comment — Did anyone else notice the 1 1/2 inch heels Simon was sporting on his boots? Can we say inadequacies? I bet he drives a really big Hummer too.

Anyway, they changed format this year. Gone are the painful 3 and 4 member singing/late night bickering teams of yesteryear. This year it’s every Idol for themselves. The first two days, all the hopefuls get a shot to impress the judges without the worry of a cut. The ones who wow the baby Gap t-shirts off Simon and the other 2 get a free pass right through to the final rounds. The others must sing a capella for their musical lives for on Day 3, the guillotine starts it ugly morbid descent. The final 50 who have managed to avoid the proverbial axe, have one more shot with the judges.

Here are the MOST TALENTED 24:

Oh wait…. we have to wait until tomorrow night for that.

Peace, Love & Perfect Pitch,
Kristi

Greeting Idol Fans -

Knowing how much we all love those wacky auditions, the minds of American Idol would not let us live with just seven episodes. No, they mustered all the footage they could from the hours and hours they had, to bring us and the paying advertisers just one more audition show. This time it’s a “Best Of.” We go the way of many a TV series and reminisce about the ups, the downs, the funny, the sad… thankfully, all with out the use of a single flashback…

Best Moments

Cardin McKinney
She’s a fondue restaurant waitress but there’s no cheese here. She blasts “One Night Only” and proves she could be a Dream Girl.

Joanne Borgella
Joanna is a lovely plus sized model who’s performed the national anthem at MSG. She’s got the pipes to shake the rafters there. But it’s no surprise. She’s been identified by Vote For The Worst as a “plant.” Still she’s likable and talented so we should see her make the the top 24.

Chikezie Eze
Nice guy who tried out last year and didn’t make it. He said Randy wasn’t “feelin’ him.” Well he should be feeling him now. The guy’s got major pipes.

The Reason We Really Watch Moments

Tiffany Campbell
Tiffany says her voice is a gift from God. Oh Good Lord, please take it back.

Ashley Lawing
Pretty little southern girl who has obviously perfected the art of using her looks. She sings a Kellie Pickler song and it becomes painfully obvious that there is no amount of lipgloss that can make her talented.

Alicia Stelzel
She’s an easy-going dimwitted blonde who shrieks through a song. Simon haters her, but Randy and Paula tell her to go learn a Dolly Parton song. The girl gullibly complies and learns “Islands In The Stream.” She warbles through it sort of dumbfounded, as am I since she makes it through.

Well we’re through phase 1 of our quest for Idoldom. We’re on to Hollywood next week for the grueling group work, the late nights, and the One Tree Hill like story lines.

Peace, Love & Good Highlights Reels,
Kristi

Bienvenido a Miami Idol Fans!!!

American Idol invades the land of sun, sand, and the best dang Cuban cigars this side of Havana. As anticipated (since it makes such good TV,) they grow them crazy in the Florida sun. Yeah you haven’t heard music this bad since the Miami Vice Soundtrack… uh, not that I own that CD or anything… Anyhoo, a whole 17 hopefuls make it to LA.

Best Moments
Suzanne Toon

Single Mom with Shirley Temple curls anda sultry voice. She gravels her way through a Bonnie Raitt song and right to Hollywood.

Syesha Mercado

The singer/actress (read waitress) is the happiest girl on earth. Her dad just got out of rehab, she’s a hottie, and the girl can sang. Blather believes she’s probably one of the best of the season…. no wonder she’s so perky.

Remiele Maluby

Four words… tiny body, big voice.

“The Reason We Really Watch” Moments

Corliss Smith and Britney Wescott

Big sassy girls with big jazzy voice. The 2 friends proclaim their love for Simon and Randy. They hug Simon and give him more woman than he can obviously handle. I love that Cowell is scared of fat chicks.

Shannon McGough

This colorful sprite works in her parents meat market grinding hamburger. She screams through a Janis Joplin tune without any semblance of talent similar to the great songtress. She’s shocked that she can’t sing. I’m not. Her whole “shtick” was grinding on my nerves.

Julie Dubela

Four years ago, she was on American Juniors… a show created specifically for Stage parents to live vicariously through their semi talented, voice coached prepubescent spawn. Thank god that’s over. She has a nice voice but the over confident, over-singing, over-dramatic, over-indulgent attitude just makes you hate her more than her ugly crocheted dress.

Brandon Black

“B” storms into the room with a comedy routine so bad, it could make Open Mic Night illegal. He thinks he’s funny, points to god and than breaks into song. It’s so bad. If Prince and Urkel had one drunken night together and then dropped the baby on it’s head… here’s what you’d get.

And that’s Miami! Would Gloria Estefan be proud… probably not. But hey, it’s better than Don Johnson’s CD any day.

Peace, Love & Rhythm,

Kristi

There are a lot of talented cities in these United States. New York produces many a Broadway star, LA is the mecca for young stars, Chicago has been the launch pad for some of the best comedic talent around. Heck, even Orlando and the mouse have created a small world of talented kids. But Omaha, Nebraska?? Sure they’re the home of mail order steaks, corn, and mutual insurance, but the next American Idol??? Luckily I like steak, corn and life insurance so I’ll give the huskers a chance…

Best Moments

Ryan and Simon exchange banter and Ryan takes Paula’s place as a judge. Ryan’s best line so far this season, “Ok how do I act like I’m overpaid for doing nothing.”

Samantha Sidley

While Ryan and Simon were man-flirting, she channels her best Nora Jones right down to the same key. She’s got a smooth voice that gets her 4 judges votes and through to Hollywood.

Angelica Puente

She’s a 17 year old who can’t get along with her dad and moved out of her parents house. She needs something to make her dad proud. He should be proud of her voice. She sings Celine Dion’s Power of Love well enough to make any father beam.

Leo Marlowe

A self proclaimed “homecoming queen” pulls out a surprisingly soulful rendition of Donnie Hathaway’s “A Song For You.” He’s bluesy even sultry and enough to get our first Paula “Touchdown” of season.

“The Reason We Really Watch” Moments
Sarah Whitaker

She’s a former (self proclaimed) pro-wrestler who went by the name “Lady Morgue.” She does a really creepy witches cackle and scares the muscial scales right out of all the other contestants. Her performance is no better. She get a no from Randy and Simon. Paula squeaks out a “yes” which I can only believe is due to a mortal fear that Lady Morgue will attack her.

Johnny Escamilla

He says he’s the weirdest guy you’ll ever meet. The sparkley gold sequin jacket confirms it for me. He compares himself to James Brown. I compare him to a chemical imbalance in a jar of glitter.

All and all, 19 are given a gold ticket and are on their way from the flatest state in the country to the land of silicon mountains. Tomorrow night we head down to Miami to see if the Florida heat brings out the talented or just heat stroke.

Peace, Love and an emphatic Yee-Haw!
Kristi

If you’ve been an avid fan of the past 6 seasons, you know American Idol loves the South. The South has always been good to the Idol Machine. The states south of the Mason-Dixon Line have produced the likes of Kelly Clarkson, Ruben Studdard, Clay Aiken, Fantasia, Diana DeGarmo, Chris Daughtry and Taylor Hicks (although that hasn’t turned out very well…see here) Even so, with that kind of lineage; Charleston is bound to bring out the best… uh… right? Well, not exactly. The South may rise again… but it’s definitely not thanks to any rising stars in this audition.

Best Moments (Not that there’s a lot to choose from tonight)

London Wynberg

She’s the blonde who takes on the great Billie Holiday. Granted, she’s got a smoky tone but so do a thousand lounge singers in the Lower East Side. But she’s hot, so Simon will put her through.

“The Reason We Really Watch” Moments

Raysharde Henderson

He sports the best Fro of Season 7. He says he’s the Black Clay Aiken…and I’d say there’s a million “Claymates” out there that beg to differ.

DeAnna Prevatte

She’s a crazy Hillbilly waitress from Kellie Pickler’s hometown. Unfortunately, geographic proximity does not an Idol make. She does an angry rendition of “Fancy” and is graciously turned down by the judges. Not because they like her, but because they were probably afraid of meeting her in the hotel stairway later that night.

Lindsey Goodman

As the daughter of an Air Force “Flyboy,” I’ve got to give some patriotic props to the tiny girl who pilots a C-17, one of the largest planes in the AF. Her voice isn’t has big as the plane she flies, but still, you gotta salute her

Aretha Codner

Being named after one of the greatest soul singers certainly sets some serious expectations. However, after opening her mouth, all expectations are decidedly erased. I’m not sure what’s bigger, her ego or her boobs! It was definitely not her talent. She disagrees, but don’t all the most delusion crazies??

Well 23 in total make it through tonight, all I don’t know how they were even able to find that many. Maybe next week we’ll find more kooky contestants to make fun of.

Peace, Love and Some Semblance of Talent,
Kristi

American Idol sends the freak caravan of Simon, Paula and Randy down to America’s Finest City, San Diego. We love the Chargers (even though they lost) we love the zoo, and we love the crazies!!! We only have an hour tonight so the Idol producers are careful not to waste any of it on real talent. In the end, miraculously, 30 hopefuls make it through.

Best Moments

Carly Smithson

She’s an Irish tattoo artist who got booted in season 5 for not having a valid Visa. She blasts I’m Every Woman to the rafters. But don’t be too stunned by this seemingly undiscovered Irish lass. She’s one of the infamous “plants” of former discovered talent that everyone’s been talking about. She actually had an album… and it sold a whopping 300 copies.

Michael Johns
An Aussie hunk with soul whips out some Otis Redding and scores a place in Hollywood. Girls will love the dreamy accent, and guys will want to be him just so they can say, “Shrimp on the Barbie” and not seem lame.

“The Reason We Really Watch Idol” Moments

Valerie Reyes

She thinks she’s Mariah…but she’s really more Pariah. She does some scary vocal acrobatics, some guttural notes, and then flares into a noise I think only dogs can really understand. The best part…she can’t believe that she’s going to be on the rejects reel. WE CAN!

Monique Gibson
The nurse who does her best impression of Whitney Houston…if she was swallowed by a goat with a bad weave. I need some earplugs, STAT!

Christopher Baker

He follows his friend with his own interpretation of Whitney’s “Greatest Love of All.” He really yelled through it more than he actually sang any notes. You have the love the guys’ tenacity. He keeps trying different Whitney songs until the bouncers have to walk him out. Classic crazie!!

Blake Boshnak
Speaking of tenacity (and crazy,) this guy does not believe in giving up. He’s auditioned 11 times in 10 cities since season 3 and never made it. You might remember him from Season 5 as the Statue of Liberty… although you might not. Thankfully today is no different.

Alberto Hurtado

C-R-E-E-P-Y in an Age of Aquarius meets Priscilla Queen of the Desert sort of way. He sings his own piece about tragedy and flying and more tragedy… evidently he’s heard himself sing. Not sure if he belongs in a commune or an institution. Anyhoo, the best part about his audition – the eagle on acid montage at the end.

San Diego has so far proven quite entertaining, and so disturbing all at the same time. But then again, that’s what makes for some dang fine television entertainment.

Tune in tomorrow night, Idol fans as we go for Round 2 of the American Idol Audition Freak Show.

Peace, Love and Tonality,

Kristi

Well the mistletoe may be down, the menorah safely extinguished and your Grandma finally put away that creepy plastic Santa, but for Idol fans, the holidays just started. It’s the gift that keeps on giving… the feeling that lasts longer than a Taylor Hicks recording contract. This… is American Idol, Season 7.

It’s been 7 long months without Ryan, but there he is… with a welcome smile and a look that just seems to say, “It’s alright, I’m Ryan Seacrest, I’m back and I’ve freshly frosted my bangs for you.” All is again right with the world.

Our first stop on the Idol audition circuit this year, is the city of cheese steaks, TastyKakes, and a few vocal mistakes… Philadelphia. That’s right, Rocky loved it, Ben Franklin loved it, and even hometown son Will Smith wrote a song about it. Unfortunately the city of brotherly love did not rub off on Simon. I’m not sure if it’s menopause or the fact that Simon Cowell hasn’t had a decent haircut in 12 years, but he seem excessively bitchy and harsh on the many hopefuls at the Philadelphia auditions. Paula again has started the season with her Pollyanna ways and whimsical comments like “phonetic singing” and “appreciating ones efforts” no matter how bad they suck. You gotta love the Kool-aid she’s drinking. Randy, Mr. Jackson, if you’re nasty is looking even more hip and super-producer like. No name-dropping yet… but you know the Mariahs and Janets will be flying from his lips in no time.

I’ve spend way too much time on the judges and there is plenty of hours of auditions and live shows to make fun of them… but I only have the proverbial 15 minutes to make fun of some of tonight’s contestants.

Between the guy who just wants “to get to know a girl from hair to nipple,” the over-glittered, over-caffeinated Grace Slick wannabe and the “Oh I really didn’t need to see that” waxing of the Wookie in the Princess Leia costume, there were 29 Idol hopefuls that made it through tonight.

Best Moments:

Angela Martin – She’s the Brandi clone from Chicago who sang, “Signed, Sealed, Delivered” by Stevie Wonder. The 26 year old has a young daughter with Retts Syndrome. Her family and what looks to be half her neighborhood is there to support her. She has the quintessential wedding singer shtick, but that can easily be adjusted.

Kristy Lee Cook – The pretty little outdoorsy girl next door from Oregon has serious pipes and channels the likes of many a country songbird that’s come before her. As she should… she was actually signed to a deal with Arista records in Nashville about 6 years ago, is evidently now with another label and has a self-titled CD out. Her career never took off, but luckily for her, she could reclaim her amateur status and make her way to the Idol stage.

“The Reason We Really Watch Idol” Moments:

Paul Macherano wrote an hysterical, yet slightly disturbing stalker love song for Paula. Favorite line from the ditty…”If I was Columbo, I would Peter Faulk her.” Hilarious… in a “fava beans and a nice Chianti” sort of way.

Christina Tellesano, a self proclaimed (and socially confirmed) dork sporting a bad set of Leia side buns and more attitude than a Star Wars geek should have, ended the show with a hilarious tirade on the American Idol biases. She’s probably not recording star material, but she definitely has a shot at making the final montage of crazies of Season 7!

Well 2 hours of auditions down and 8 more to go!! Can some one get me 2 Advil and a cup of Paula’s Kool-Aid??

Tune in tomorrow night when American Idol hits the Big D in search of Texas sized talent!

Peace, Love and Golden Tickets,

Kristi