Well the mistletoe may be down, the menorah safely extinguished and your Grandma finally put away that creepy plastic Santa, but for Idol fans, the holidays just started. It’s the gift that keeps on giving… the feeling that lasts longer than a Taylor Hicks recording contract. This… is American Idol, Season 7.

It’s been 7 long months without Ryan, but there he is… with a welcome smile and a look that just seems to say, “It’s alright, I’m Ryan Seacrest, I’m back and I’ve freshly frosted my bangs for you.” All is again right with the world.

Our first stop on the Idol audition circuit this year, is the city of cheese steaks, TastyKakes, and a few vocal mistakes… Philadelphia. That’s right, Rocky loved it, Ben Franklin loved it, and even hometown son Will Smith wrote a song about it. Unfortunately the city of brotherly love did not rub off on Simon. I’m not sure if it’s menopause or the fact that Simon Cowell hasn’t had a decent haircut in 12 years, but he seem excessively bitchy and harsh on the many hopefuls at the Philadelphia auditions. Paula again has started the season with her Pollyanna ways and whimsical comments like “phonetic singing” and “appreciating ones efforts” no matter how bad they suck. You gotta love the Kool-aid she’s drinking. Randy, Mr. Jackson, if you’re nasty is looking even more hip and super-producer like. No name-dropping yet… but you know the Mariahs and Janets will be flying from his lips in no time.

I’ve spend way too much time on the judges and there is plenty of hours of auditions and live shows to make fun of them… but I only have the proverbial 15 minutes to make fun of some of tonight’s contestants.

Between the guy who just wants “to get to know a girl from hair to nipple,” the over-glittered, over-caffeinated Grace Slick wannabe and the “Oh I really didn’t need to see that” waxing of the Wookie in the Princess Leia costume, there were 29 Idol hopefuls that made it through tonight.

Best Moments:

Angela Martin – She’s the Brandi clone from Chicago who sang, “Signed, Sealed, Delivered” by Stevie Wonder. The 26 year old has a young daughter with Retts Syndrome. Her family and what looks to be half her neighborhood is there to support her. She has the quintessential wedding singer shtick, but that can easily be adjusted.

 

 

Kristy Lee Cook – The pretty little outdoorsy girl next door from Oregon has serious pipes and channels the likes of many a country songbird that’s come before her. As she should… she was actually signed to a deal with Arista records in Nashville about 6 years ago, is evidently now with another label and has a self-titled CD out. Her career never took off, but luckily for her, she could reclaim her amateur status and make her way to the Idol stage.

“The Reason We Really Watch Idol” Moments:

Paul Macherano wrote an hysterical, yet slightly disturbing stalker love song for Paula. Favorite line from the ditty…”If I was Columbo, I would Peter Faulk her.” Hilarious… in a “fava beans and a nice Chianti” sort of way.

Christina Tellesano, a self proclaimed (and socially confirmed) dork sporting a bad set of Leia side buns and more attitude than a Star Wars geek should have, ended the show with a hilarious tirade on the American Idol biases. She’s probably not recording star material, but she definitely has a shot at making the final montage of crazies of Season 7!

Well 2 hours of auditions down and 8 more to go!! Can some one get me 2 Advil and a cup of Paula’s Kool-Aid??

Tune in tomorrow night when American Idol hits the Big D in search of Texas sized talent!

Peace, Love and Golden Tickets,

Kristi