Greetings Idol Fans!

Well this is it. It’s the finale of the big show. It’s the battle of David². Well more like David 1 1/2. HA!! On with the show!

So here the breakdown of the night. Because he basically owns everything Idol and I really wouldn’t want to piss him off, Clive Davis, the BMG Music mogul will choose the first song. Then the Top 2 Idol Kids get to select a song from the finalists of the Idol Songwriting competition. Yeah you know what that means… 2 inspirational “I believe I can fly if I dream if I keep faith alive if I don’t vomit first” songs. Then to close the competition, the Davids get to each select a song on their own. So call me crazy, but I see the apparent absence of a “Idol Single.” Where’s my “Moment Like This” or my “This is My Now”? Hmmm, could that be the reason Sir Andrew Lloyd Weber was lurking in the video footage?

David Cook
Clive Song: “Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For”
Looking fresh ‘do died in a lovely hue of red, he puts his Cook magic all over it. It’s good but not as mesmerizing as some of his earlier work.

Idol Songwriters: “Dream Big”
He brought out the lefty guitar for this one. He rocks it pretty hard. I feel like I could have heard that on the sound track for a Legally Blonde 3 movie.

Idol Choice: “The World I Know”
I have the give the rocker props for matching his red tie and guitar strap with his snazzy red cowboy boots. He does an amazing cover of the Collective Soul song. He really put everything he had in it and it showed.

David Archuletta
Clive Song: “Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me”
Thankfully for the little one, Clive picked and easy listening staple to help put us all asleep. I mean the kid can sing, but can we give him something contemporary (without incurring song royalties?) Oh good lord not the single spotlight. Oh no, not he’s going into a gospel bounce. Dear David, you… are… white. Love, IdolBlather.

Idol Songwriters: “In This Moment”
Surprise… he picks a ballad. But doesn’t he look just sweet in his tiny blazer with the anchor on it? The judges keep giving the rounds to the garden gnome. Personally I think every song he sings is starting to sound the same. Maybe it’s just because his voice tortures me so.

Idol Choice: “Imagine”
The little hobbit selects a song that not only did he do earlier this season, but also one of his staples that he’s sung on many a Utah morning show as a kid. He’s so emphatic with his “You might say I’m a Dream-ER” it’s so annoying. He even went a bit flat on his big ending but it’s still probably good enough to get him the Idol crown.

So according to our esteemed judges (and the producers that tell them to say it) Little Archie is the Idol. I for one, hope that all the viewers more than 6 months past puberty join together and vote for DC.

So who will it be Idol Fans? Who has earned America’s love? Tune in tomorrow for our Finale!!!

Peace Love & Record Deals,

Kristi

Greetings Idol Fans!

It’s Axe Wednesday and Ryan and his pretty faux hawk are back to squash the dream of another Idol darling harder than Mariahs nuggets in a tube top.

We waste no time and launch right into the theme park segment of the show with the ensemble number. The kids give their best inspirational cheese on “One Sweet Day.” Everybody do the Mariah Gospel Hand!

Ryan goes through the Performances recap. Yeah we got that… we already ready my last recap… So let’s bring the kids out one by one.

Jason Castro – You have a thing for white shoes before Labor Day, that frankly I just don’t understand. Ryan sends you to the right but not to the safe couches…it’s more of an Idol purgatory.

David Cook - Ryan tries to get you talk about your brother who’s battling cancer and the reason you teared up last night, but you’ve already taken the course “How Not To Cry Even if Barbara Walters Interviews You For Celebrities” at Hollywood Community College. Thwarted, Ryan sends you to the left into yet another pod of Idol Purgatory.

Carly Smithson - You’re trying a new prep school matron look that I can respect. However the huge tatty sleeve you’re sporting just makes you look like a pin up in the Harley Davidson Naughty School Girl Calendar. You go stage left with Jason.

Kristy Lee Cook - You called Simon a butt. I think it’s the first thing that’s come out of your mouth that I actually enjoyed. Don’t let it happen again. Go join David on the left.

Oh I’ve been waiting for this for 30 minutes. It’s Ford Commercial time! The kids cover “I Want To Break Free” by Queen and do a very weird office cube puppet thing. Oh that is so 2000 people…uh, N’Sync did that their video for “Bye Bye Bye.” And uh, yes I know my N’Sync videos, I accept my boy band addiction!

Former Idol contestant from Season 5, Elliot Yamin takes the stage to perform “Free.” Who knew a tiny white guy could have that much soul. At the end of the performance, he raises his hand to show a handwritten “WE MISS YOU MOM” in honor of his mom who passed away earlier this month. It’s a good moment.

Back to the results,

Syesha Mercado – I don’t know what exactly is going on with your hair tonight. It’s half girl ‘fro, half limp Mohawk. Did Sanjaya mug you backstage? It gonna be alright now, you go join Jason and Carly on the right.

Brooke White – You start the waterworks if you lose an eyelash and don’t make a wish. Grab a Kleenex and join David and Kristy in the left group.

Back from the break, it’s time for the weekly “Suck the time and life right out of me Q/A” segment. I try to pay attention but all I hear is Kristy and a horse and if David Cook is single. Sounds perverted… almost makes me wish I paid attention… almost.

This week’s mentor takes stage next. Mariah enters the stage in a what I can only describe as a black lycra sausage casing. Seriously, not much more Mimi could actually fit into that dress! In fact it looks like girls are about to pop out of the sides. Whatever you do Mariah… don’t sneeze! She’s sings one of her new songs that sounds like she’s half singing half whisper rambling. It’s not a song, it’s a conversation to track beat. Buh Bye, Buh Bye, Buh Bye… Can’t you just sing that Christmas song? At least I know that has a real melody.

After the break, the stage is set like this… on the left we have David Cook, Kristy Lee Cook, and Brooke White. On the right we have Syesha Mercado, Carly Smithson and Jason Castro. Ryan calls David Archuleta to the stage.

David Archuleta - I wish you would tell me when Members Only Jacket came back in. You’ve got a week to let me know because you’re safe.

Ryan makes David Cook and Syesha switch groups and then he asks David Archuleta to stand with the group he thinks is safe. David sits in the middle of stage… I’m not sure if he’s just trying to be PC, or if that request was just too much for his little unassuming brain to process. Ryan gives him a few hints before just sending the group of David Cook, Jason and Carly to center-stage to pick the little gomer up. They’re all safe. Which means Syesha, Kristy and Brooke… you are so “Bottom 3.”

After the break, Ryan pardons Syesha and leaves Brooke and Kristy center-stage. The judges ramble a bit and then Ryan lets the Idol axe fall. And tonight… Kristy is leaving us. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! <insert funky elimination dance here> OK I know that’s mean, but if I wanted to spend my Tuesday nights listening to mediocre karaoke I’d go to Sing Sing Karaoke Bar in the East Village.

So fare-the-well, fair Kristy Lee. You lost your best horse and your dreams of stardom. You and the Idol Producers all thought this was your time to shine. Oh fair Kristy… let’s be honest , the two record labels that dropped your blonde ass can’t be wrong.

Peace, Love & Iron Clad Record Deals,

Kristi

Greetings Idol Fans!!

After a week of traveling about the country and a bout with bronchitis, I’m back to give the Idol kids hell. However, with the departure of Michael Johns last week, I may be too ecstatic to be mean. No wait, Kristy Lee Cook is still on…I think I got a little mean left in me.

OK so Idol got rid of the guest judges, but just can’t seem to let go of the whole mentor thing. I guess there are too many artists with albums and products to hock. Anyway, tonight’s mentor is none other than butterfly clad Mariah Carey. She’s finally fully recovered from her Glitter debacle and newly svelte, just in time to sell her new album, “E=MC2.”

On with the show!

David Archuleta

The short stack packed his little unassuming self into a pair of leather pants and covers “When You Believe.” OK, David wearing leather pants is about as natural as Simon wearing a turtleneck, Paula being sober and Randy not dropping names. The judges liked his performance but I just fell asleep and had nightmares about Bilbo Baggins in an S&M outfit.

Carly Smithson

Carly finally embraces her diva-dom with a purple frock cut “down to there” and comes out belting on “I Can’t Live.” The judges of course do the inevitable comparison. But dude, you made her sing a Mariah song. None-the-less, I think Idol can’t live with her another week.

Syesha Mercado

Looking like a gold lame siren on “Vanishing.” OK I knew the girl could sing, but where the heck did those pipes come from. That run in the middle went on for miles! The judges again compare her performance to Mariah. Hello? You made her sing Mariah. She didn’t have a choice.

Brooke White

Missed her sister’s wedding. She covers “Hero” in a singer/songwriter smokey lounge way. I kind of wish she’d left the piano back stage on this one. I think it got in the way of her vocals. The judges compare her performance to Mariah. (Anyone noticing a pattern?) But people, you made her sing Mariah!

Kristy Lee Cook

The annoying girl next door, does her best Nashville twang on “Forever” OMG, the judge actually don’t compare her to Mariah! Maybe because it was such bad karaoke that there really was no comparison. Paula rambles on about legacy and both kinds of music… country and western.

David Cook

He does the whole rocker cover of “Always Be My Baby”and makes it sound like a stalker theme song. Does anyone notice that he sort of sounds like that lead singer of Hootie & The Blowfish? Randy liked it because he gave him the first Randy Standing O of the season. Paula and Simon felt the love too. So much that it made the budding rockstar tear up. Well either that or the blood pressure meds are wreaking havoc on his hormones.

Jason Castro

The locked one finishes up the show with a beatnik/tribal fusion on “I Don’t Want To Cry.” It was original and definitely worthy of one of those off-brand compilations of smooth jazz CDs that you find at a street fairs. You know like “Muzak Presents: Smokey Jams.”

And the Top 7 have once again placed their fates in our hands. Don’t you just love redial? So which Idol will be America’s “Dream Lover” and who will say farewell “One Sweet Day?” Tune in tomorrow night and find out!!

Peace, Love & 5 Octives,
Kristi

Greetings Idol Fans!

Unfortunately due to copyright infringement issues, there will be no IdolBlather recap this week….
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APRIL FOOLS!!!!!  Hey if Ryan can do it why can’t I?? 

ON TO THE SHOW!

Tonight’s Idol mentor is Dolly Parton.  The buxom “Backwoods Barbie” gives the kids lots of encouragement and lifetime passes to Dollywood.  Yee Haw Everybody.
Brooke

Our resident folk girl sings”Jolene” about a girl begging another not to take her man.  It wasn’t the best, but I think it was enough for Brooke to keep the man and her fans. I just have one fashion comment for her… Please please please, eat a sandwich!  She looked so thin I think the buttons on her pants were hanging on to her hip bones for dear life!

David C

Ooo, they did his hair better this week!  I think there might be some extensions in there.  It actually looks thicker.  Speaking of thick, he lays the rocker thing on thick for his cover of”Little Sparrow” with acoustic guitar.  Who knew you could take the twang out of Dolly’s hillbilly best?  He rocked it yet again this week.  I think the new ‘do is helping his “IT” quotient.

Ramiele

The tiny little pixie doll  attempts “Do I Ever Cross Your Mind” and shows how completely out of her element she is with the Dolly classic.  She kept it country but unfortunately also kept it Karaoke.  Definitely not going to be crossing anyone’s mind in the votes. I think you can tell the pressure of keeping up with the semi-pros is taking it’s toll.

Jason

The Rasta boy has a stalker chick in Colorado who sends multiple postcards at once.  Sweet.  With his rendition of “Traveling  Man” he yet again reminds me of a hacky sacks, hemp beads and bong water.  But at least this week, he picks up the tempo and the performance.

Carly

Ye Irish Lass  covers “Here You Come Again”  sans the 80’s pop country back beat and place in LiteFM playlist history.  She slows it down to a soulful pace and proves why she had a record deal  in the first place. Oh that’s right,no wonder she sounds so pro… she already was. But I’m not bitter…:D

David A

The baby hobbit covers “Smokey Mountain Miracles.”  OK honestly, does kid know at least ONE up-tempo song?  He is so sappy that if you stuck a tube up his butt, you’d get Maple Syrup.

Kristy

Could she having stepped in it any more?  Country week with Dolly Parton… this girl should be thanking the Idol Gods… or Idol Idols?  Either way, the whole freakin’ song was in her lower register and completely lacked personality and then she suddenly shoves the ending up into her “Big Finish.” The whole thing totally felt disconnected.  She needs to find her shoes and go home to the horse farm.

Syesha

As the only representative of R&B she of course had to pick “I Will Always Love You” by Dolly come Whitney.   Did anyone else get annoyed with the “propped up on the piano, staring into the camera” incessantly crap?  She does her best and shows off her pipes, but unfortunately the comparison to the original might be too much to overcome.

Michael

Ok the dude is wearing an ascot… or in his case, could it be an as(s)cot?  Hee Hee.  He goes all Joe Cocker gospel on “It’s All Wrong, But It’s Alright” and made us all say Amen.  He can leave his hat on.. he’s getting through another week with that.

So that’s our Top 9.  So which Idols will America always love, and who will be saying goodbye to stardom and back to 9 to 5?

Tune in tomorrow to find out!

Peace, Love and Pickin’,
Kristi

Greetings Idol Fans!

We’re back from last week’s crushing elimination and ready to go for this week.

Ever diligent in it’s commercial debauchery, the Idol machine is milking this Fab Four Thing as much as possible. Idol brings back the Beatles songs for another week. Oh wait it’s different this week… someone might actually sing a George Harrison or even <GASP!> a Ringo Star composition. Yeah right. It’s no surprise, really. Apple and the Beatles Apple Corp just kissed and made up earlier last year so Apple needs Idol to spread the love.

We’ll get to know the Idol kids a bit more tonight as they share their “most memorable moments” of the competition so far, which is a little stupid given that this is only week 2 of being part the big show. So my guess is most of them will say, Week 1 was the most memorable just because the point of reference isn’t that vast.

Amanda

She again rocks the Idol dome with “Back In The USSR.” You know, you really can’t understand what she’s saying when she’s singing. She sort of reminds me of that “Ma Na Ma Na” guy from the Muppets. You know, this guy. (Try to get that out of your head now….)

Anyhoo….

Kristy

Luckily she ditched the paper shredder duds and the ‘Dolly Parton on speed and a Red Bull’ country twang on “Don’t Hide Your Love Away.” She’s, at best, a county pageant singer. She doesn’t seem to have enough talent to carry a note and any expression on her face at the same time. Simon called her musical wallpaper. She tells Simon that “You know I can blow your socks off” Well I’m sure she blows, but it ain’t socks.

David A

The wee lad takes on the Beatles during their “Lite FM” phase with his cover of “The Long And Winding Road.” He remembers all his words this time and pulls it off practically flawless. However, I’m sooooo over this unassuming thing he’s doing. After every song he acts so overcome when the tweeners Idol paid in the front rows scream incessantly. He’s so unassuming that it’s become assuming.

Michael

Michael actually wore a tie this evening for his cover of “A Day In The Life.” Again, I don’t have much to say about his performance but I would like to note that he ripped off Jim Morrison’s moves again. Anyway, Paula rambles on about ear monitors and connecting with the audience The problem is… Michael’s not wearing one so what’s her reasoning now? Uh, what exactly is in Paula’s Coke Cup?

Brooke

The hippie girl everyone loves is dressed like a big happy lemon yellow sunshine and takes on “Here Comes The Sun.” It’s a bit weird, and just doesn’t seem to fit her. But coming off of last week stellar performance, it was bound to happen. I’m not sure if it was the poufy lemon chiffon dress, her sunny yellow locks or her big “Shiny Happy People” grin, but she made me really feel like I needed a couple Zoloft just to keep up my fake smile.

David C

Ok this guy is so pulling a “Daughtry” again this week. He chose “Day Tripper” as his song, but does the White Snake version of the Beatles classic so he can keep up his rocker facade. Guess I can’t knock it… it took Daughtry to a #1 selling album. Ok that’s all well and good, but Dude, did we need the Peter Frampton Talk Box solo? That has a place in the Sounds of the 70’s Time Life classics and Geico commercials, but not on Idol, man.

Carly

She takes the stage in a Carmen Miranda inspired first trimester hiding tunic with ugly rosettes all over the place. It’s a good cover of “Blackbird” sans the corny explanation of why she sang it. But like a half-slip on an old lady, her professional grooming is really showing.

Jason

The dread crowned one becomes “Le gentilhomme de Sac de Hackie” (the Hackie Sack gentleman) on “Michele” complete with French and English lyrics. Does anyone else notice that he never seems to quite finish his words? I’m not sure if it’s too much pot or if the dreads weigh him down, but he’s a bit of a lazy singer.

Syesha

Man, I didn’t even recognize her with the straight ‘do! She’s looking good with the smooth locks and the Wonder Bra induced girls. She goes all soulful on “Yesterday” and finally shows what her voice can do.

Chikezie

He takes “I’ve Just Seen a Face” into a odd R&B/country vibe and even whips out a harmonica mid song. Did he learn nothing from the Kristy Lee Cook fiasco last week? Can’t he just embrace his Luther Vandross-ness and give up on the Billy Ray Cyrus?

Ramiele

The tiny one, afraid of boring the judges for a 2nd week, covers the uptempo “I Should Have Known Better.” You would have thought she’d known better and chose a better song. She was pretty sucky until about the last 8 bars when she could belt out some big notes. You know, for such a short person, you’d think she be more in touch with her lower register.

And that’s the Top 11! My picks for “Bottom 3″ this week are Kristy, Amanda and Ramiele with Kristy take the bus ride home. So which little Idol Darling do you think will be saying “Hello Goodbye” to the Idol stage and which will be “Glad All Over” to make up the Top 10 and come to an arena near you this summer?

Tune in tomorrow night for the results!

Peace, Love and All Together Now,

Kristi

Greetings Idol Fans!

Ooooooooo!! Did you see the new Idol logo? It so new and shiny!

Speaking of new and shiny, Ryan been hitting the tanning bed and obviously has been drinking some major happy juice. He’s quite tan and giddy tonight. He gives us a tour of the new stage and then the Top 12 make their big entrance.

Hey Jude, guess what tonight’s theme is… the Lennon/McCartney song book. In honor of this momentous occasion, Idol does a 2 minute reel on the dynamic song writing duo. Yep…. songs that have stood 40 years as major influences in music, and they get 2 whole minutes on a 2 hour music show. Wow. (insert sarcastic eye-roll here.) I actually just watched the movie “Across the Universe” so I am well versed in Beatles songs. So obviously I’m just a bit afraid of a karaoke “Helter Skelter” or “I am the Walrus” Goo Goo G’Joob.

Syesha does a very Vegas-y version of “Got To Get You Into My Life.” I wasn’t sure where she was taking the song at first… but then she evened it out and took it right past the All You Can Eat buffet at Caesars.

Chikezie used to work at LAX and got to screen Paula a few times. Bet he had to sign an NDA to keep quiet about all her meds. He covers “She’s A Woman” with a bluegrass arrangement that morphs into weird rock mash-up with screeches and heel kick-ups. It was a lot of fun. Who knew a boy from Inglewood had the country in him!?! Based on Ryan’s reaction and jolly antics around the stage, I think Seacrest might have a little man crush on the Chik dude. Stay tuned…

Ramiele works at a Sushi restaurant and chronically smells like soy sauce. Unfortunately, the usually saucy little one fell a little short (and I don’t mean her height.) She did a pretty dull version of “In My Life” and practically put the audience to sleep face first in their tempura.

Jason looks like he could be a character in that movie 10,000 B.C. with those dreads. Luckily his musical skills are much more advanced than that of his cro-magnon brethren. His “If I Fell” was groovy and melodic. His vocals aren’t are big as some of the other idols, but there’s a raw, earthy vibe to them that I think people will really dig.

Carly works her Irish vibe in again. Yeah we get it. Blarney, Guinness and potatoes. OK I’m over it. She just belted out an amazing cover of “Come Together” that was a little bit Beatles, little bit Heart and a whole lot of kick-ass. or should I said kick”arse?”

David C is looking a bit creepier every week. I think that’s because the Idol hair stylists are getting at him and they are not helping that receding hair line one bit. He does a ColdPlay/Fuel inspired cover of “Eleanor Rigby” wearing an A-HA/Corey Hart inspired jacket.

Brooke used to be a nanny and misses the kids… yeah, changing dirty diapers is SO much cooler than fame, fortune and a clothing allowance. She breaks down “Let It Be” into an amazingly pure performance that would even silence the crankiest of babies (Simon included.)

David H took a Beatles 101 class in college. How’s that for a Pass/Fall elective!?!? All I had was Astronomy and that sucked. He covers “Saw Her Standing There” with a cheesy goodness. Unfortunately, I think she be running the other way on this one. It was just bad karaoke.

Amanda is totally glammed out and looking rocker hot tonight. I just have one issue with her look (OK more than one, but I have to keep this blog relatively short) What is with her affection for stripes? Her hair’s striped, her pants are striped… either she thinks it’s really slimming or she wants to be a zebra in another life. Good thing she’s a singer in this lifetime because she’s rocking out Idol like never before. Her southern rock spin on “You Can’t Do That” blows the roof off the joint.

Michael coaches tennis. He says it’s for the money… but I think it’s so he can wear headbands and get away with it. He covers “Across The Universe” with a bit of a monotonous tone. He didn’t do much with performance so I can’t do much with my recap of it.

Kristy Lee again reminds us what a small town country girl she is. <Yawn> Her jeans went through a paper shredder. Didn’t they go out in the 90’s? I’ll tell you what else is out… her performance. She twang-afies “8 Days A Week” and left me a little disturbed. I’m all about the country thing, but did she have to pull out the washboards and moonshine jugs? That sounded like something the Hatfields would play really loud just to annoy the McCoys. Yee Haw.

David A doesn’t really know any Beatles songs. OK I don’t care how young you are, if you are a musician, you know the Beatles. Period. He does a high school rendition of the Stevie Wonder rendition of the Beatles song “We Can Work It Out.” Uh, wait a sec… I’m sorry, where are the words “Ma na nana la na” in this song? Yeah that’s right, he forgot his words. He might as well just dropped trow center stage. Has the little lovable hobbit fell from grace?

I’m not sure where Idol will take the results show… but if they bring back the “Bottom 3″ I’m guessing Syesha, David H and Kristy will take the dishonors. Tune in tomorrow night when we find out who’s taking “Abbey Road” to the Top 10 and who’s Idol dreams are so “Yesterday.”

Peace, Love and A Hard Days Night,
Kristi