Ryan starts the show with some riveting conversation with the judges. And by riveting I really mean comatose. Ryan makes fun of the weird TV antenna hand gesture Simon does. Everyone gets a chuckle and a shot from a defibrillator just to wake them back up.

Oh goodie…it’s Idol ensemble time!! OK I think even the producers knew how bad it was going to be. I think they actually kept forgetting to turn the mikes on when the little darlings had their one stanza solos. And to top it off then even cut them off early at the end of the song. Hilarious.

One of the guys will be the first to go tonight. Ryan goes through the rewind reel. Of course you don’t need it, because you read my blog. Anyway, lights are dimmed and Ryan makes the back row of Jason Y, Danny, Chikezie, Jason C and Michael stand up. My spidey-senses tell me the first guy at the end of the row near the steps is there for a reason. So Ryan pardons Michael, Chikezie and Jason and leaves Danny and Jason Y near the stairs to hear their fates. Sure enough the skunked striped Jason is the next to be cast back in anonymity.

After the break, the girls are sitting pretty on the couch. Ryan again goes through the rewind reel. And of course, again, you don’t need it, because you read my blog. Ryan pulls the same back row schtick with Kristy, Amanda, Alexandrea, Brooke and Asia’h. Kristy, Asia’h and Brooke are safe…uh DUH. So the 2 girls that I called to go are left standing, which means that I’m only going to be 1 for 2 on the girls tonight… dang it. Anyhoo, Alexandrea is the next to leave us. See, no one ever likes a Chicago song.

The girls are still on the couch, and it’s the front row’s turn at the guillotine. One by one, Carly, Remiele and Syesha are safe. This leaves Romy and Michele, er, I mean, Alaina and Kady to face the music. OMG I didn’t realize how interchangeable they were! Right down to the codfish personalities. Well American made up their mind and picked Alaina to go home. She bawls on national television, visibly shocked that for the first time in her life, she didn’t get what she wanted just by looking cute. Boo Hoo.  Her stage mom looked really miffed too.  I love it.

Idol News….. <insert typewriter sound here> Big news people!! Because the Top 12 will be the best Top 12 ever (because Ryan says so) on March 11, American Idol will reveal a brand new stage, new opening graphics and a new exit song by Idol’s own Reuben Studdard. Oh and Idol Gives Back is back on 4/9. It raised $79 million last year. Props to Idol for actually doing some good with it’s sensationalism. But it gets better. After 6 years of begging, Idol producers finally have the rights to the Beatles songbook. I find that a bit scary… do I really need to hear Danny Noriega butcher “Can’t Buy Me Love?”

OK, we’re running out of time people! We have no time for drawn-out pseudo anticipation! We need Luke and Robbie center-stage! Wham, Robbie’s going home. Guess other people in America never really believed the whole rocker thing either.

So that’s it people. Obscurity is a dish best served in plates of 4 and tonight we passed out 4 heaping steaming piles of it.

Next week 4 more go!

Peace, Love & Good Song Choice,
Kristi

We made it! After hours and hours of delusional auditions, Coke product placements and trailers for “Jumper,” the Auditions are finally over. It’s Top 24, and time for you and I to control the fates of 24 Idol hopefuls. Over the next 3 weeks, we get to decide which 12 dreams are one step closer to realization and which 6 guys and 6 girls dreams are over. It’s good to be the judge.

Seacrest Fashion Fix: I don’t know about you, but GEE do I miss Ryan’s Highlights. Boring brown just doesn’t cut it. Beside, I don’t have anything to make fun of.

Speaking of Ryan, he AGAIN, reminds us this is the Best Talent Ever. I guess they just want us to realize that there’s no chance of a Sanjaya incident this year.

Tonight it’s guys up first with 60’s night. What a great choice. This is the first night these kids are going to be live on TV and you make them sing songs that were recorded at least 25 years before they were even born!?!?!!?

Apple finally got their hands on the Idol machine, you can download tonights performances on iTunes for 99 cents a pop.

David Hernandez

Gives us a sappy story about being raised by a single parent, and how singing is his escape. He starts the show with “Midnight Hour.” He had me at first with the slow and gospelly opening but then lost me when he jazzed it up.

Chikezie

In preparation for anticipated stardom, he dropped his last name. Looking like a dapper 70’s velveteen pumpkin pimp, he croons away on ” I Love You More.” He seems nervous at first, but works out the kinks. Simon calls him Jacuzzi which I think is hilarious.

David Cook

The dude got a really bad hair cut, but it’s all to hide a really bad receding hairline. He starts “Happy Together” out kind of creepy and stalker-ish, but by the end he screams his way to a decent rock version.

Jason Yeager

Is it me or is he the victim of a drive by dye job on his bangs? What’s with the one blonde piece? Anyhoo, he chooses a slow song… “Moon River.” It’s so “Performances nightly at Mohegan Sun.” Seriously, if he keeps this up, he’ll be the Idol of many a Senior Center.

Robbie Carrico

Former boy-bander who wants to leave his soul on stage for the audience to see…as long as all they see is rock star. So he goes with the Three Dog Night song “One.” He does his best Daughtry impression and Randy and Paula buy it. Simon is still not sure if there’s a Justin Timberlake lurking somewhere under all that hair and scruff.

David Archuleta

The bashful, unassuming former StarSearch contestant gives stardom another try with “Shop Around.” I feel like I’m watching a recital at a performing arts high school. The judges the love him, but I think either the producers told them to love it or they didn’t want to say anything negative to make the poor boy cry.

Danny Noriega

The little mop-topped pixie in his Old Navy skinny jeans takes on the King and “Jailhouse Rock.” Paula says he has many colors to his voice, but quite frankly, I think it’s more like if a rainbow threw up. It was a bad Chelsea Karaoke performance. But I think I said that more than a few times about Sanjaya and look how that turned out. Dang it….

Luke Menard

Carpet Cleaner who looks like a cross between Luke Perry and Orlando Bloom. He whimpers out a rendition of “Everybody’s Talkin.” Unfortunately, I think nerves got the best of him and no one will be talking about him after this week.

Colton Berry

Self-proclaimed Ellen DeGeneres look-alike. Another teenie bopper who takes on the King with “Suspicious Minds.” I don’t think he’s even old enough to know what this song is about. Does anyone know if Disney is casting for High School Musical 4 yet?

Garrett Haley

The little guy with the big 70’s hair. He’s got the art of mousse down, but someone needs to show the lad how to shave. What’s with the peach fuzz ’stache? He attempts to be soulful on Neil Sedaka’s “Breakin’ Up Is Hard To Do.” Unfortunately shaving isn’t the only grown up thing the tyke needs to learn. His performance is a little empty.

Jason Castro

The blue eyed, dread-head is the first Idol this season to bring his guitar on stage for his rendition of “Daydream.” He’s jovial, entertaining and fun. The only thing we’re missing is a hacky sack and a skate park.

Michael Johns

Aussie singer who used to be in a band until he left and stole their songs, uh so he’s a nice guy. Anyway, enough about that… (but you can see more here.) He channels the late great Jim Morrison on “Light My Fire” including cheezy flame graphic background. It’s good, it’s rockin’, it’s enough to get him through.

So I know you’re all dying to know who my picks are for who’s going home. I think Jason Yeager and Luke Menard maybe calling Continental for plane tickets home this week. I think they will both be the victims of not enough airtime during Hollywood week and pretty weak performance tonight. I could be wrong, but I’ll bet anything they’ll be in the bottom on Thursday.

Anyhoo, tomorrow night the ladies take center stage in hopes of winning your love. Tune in then!

Peace, Love and Grooviness,
Kristi

PS: Learn more about all 24 Idols here: www.americanidol.com/contestants/season7/