Greetings Idol Fans!

Our Idol kids keep dwindling in numbers and here we are at the final 4.  Who knew crushing peoples dreams would be so dang fun!?!?

We start the show, of course, with the group number “Bringing In The Eaves.” OK, so I don’t know what eaves are, but I know this is so lame. 4 people don’t make for a really super engaging ensemble. Let’s face it, The Spice Girls (post Ginger) they ain’t.

Ryan does his boring recap that fills up about 5 minutes.  Honestly, they should just read IdolBlather on air. 

On to the Results.

David Archuleta
You again broke out the pleather members only jacket for this momentous occasion. Maybe some day you can afford the real leather one… you’re safe.

Filler time! Idol sent the kids to Vegas for a little fun and lots of promotional appearances. They got a private plane and a fan fair as they went to see Cirque du Soleil. All you need is love… and some really good sponsors.

David Cook
I wonder just how much effort goes into looking that dirty. I have another week to ponder, you’re safe.

So we’re left with Jason Castro & Syesha Mercado.  But hey we have another like 40 minutes of show to fill, so lets extend their suffering.

Dang!  They sneak it in on me every week!!  Just when I’ve gotten past the first commercial break and I’ve just about forgotten, there it is.  That Ford commercial.  This week the Idolettes are Matadors in a creepy “Ring Of Fire” cover.  I’m sorry but there is no frickin’ way 20 something Idols should be singing Johnny Cash to a bunch of 14 year olds.  The cosmos is seriously unaligned right now.

Well he couldn’t keep a record contract, but Taylor Hicks gets his own postal stamp.  I suppose having your face stuck on a thousand cable bills and birthday cards is almost as good as selling millions of albums.  <AHEM>

Time wasting Q&A. David Cook gets a date in Pittsburgh. Jason has to overcome a dead brain, Syesha gets reminded that she’s the only girl, Simon wants to get knighted and be the next James Bond. Riveting…. really…
The special guest Maroon 5 takes the stage. That guy’s voice is so high, I swear he’s still waiting for the left one to drop. Maybe the pants are too tight and contorting his junk in weird ways.

Bo Bice is back to sing a new song that I think is called “Witness” (he says it like 37,ooo times.) About half way through I realized that I was having a conversation over it which means it was less than engaging.  It’s only when he broke out the talk box when I snapped out of my indifference with a emphatic…. What the *&#$!!!???!  Does Peter Frampton know this dude stole his shtick?” I know he’s being all true to himself, but the whole southern rock thing is so 30 years ago.

Thankfully, I think we are officially out of filler materials so we’re on to the final results.

Syesha and Jason are back center stage. Ryan rambles through their recaps from last night. The kids ramble a bit and Ryan lets the Idol Axe fall. And Jason is leaving us tonight! Oh thank the Idol gods!

So long Jason!  Your big blue eyes and ratty hair have run it’s course on this Idol stage.  But worry not, our idiot toker friend.  For if this music thing doesn’t work out for you, you can always get a job as a brushless carwash.  Besides, who knows!  Hackie Sacks may become an extreme sport in the Olympics.

Peace, Love & A Really Good Conditioner,

Kristi

Greetings Idol Fans!

Well we’re half way through the big show journey to our next American Idol. The Top 6 performed last night but only the Top 5 will survive. Ooooh, that sort of sounds like one of those wrestling cage matches. Dude, I would soooo pay to see David Archuleta catapulted from the stage by John Cena.

I have to admit, I like this starting the show with group number… it gets it out of the way. The kids do their ensemble number “All I Ask Of You” accompanied by the Lord Andrew, himself. Thankfully it lacked all the Busch Gardens show cheese, and just focused on the song.

So we recap the performances and then Ryan welcomes ALW to the stage for a little one-on-one interview time. They talk about the Brooke debacle and Jason’s most unusual song choice. He keeps it encouraging. The guy is gifted and gracious. See, Simon, Brits can be nice!

I’ve been tricked!!! I have come accustom to dreading the first commercial break but they slipped it in on me after the second break! Cheeky Idol producers. It’s Ford commercial time! The kids do a creepy cover of “Tainted Love” with scary makeup and freaky outfits. I think Brooke’s head is being swallowed by a renegade Dolly Parton wig.

And now a word from our leader. No not Nigel Lithgow… President and First Lady Bush! They bring up Idol Gives Back and want to donate 60-some million dollars. I assume he wants us to donate it… I doubt it would actually come from the oil companies.

Well we’re now down to point where I must retire the words, “Bottom 3.” But fear not my Blather followers, I now introduce for the first time this season… “BOTTOM 2.” Don’t worry, Merriam Webster’s has my adjective request for this one too.

On to the results!

Ryan calls David Cook and Archuleta to center stage. OMG, can they put muzzles on all the teenie boppers screaming like hormonal banshees. Yes, he’s little, yes he can sing, yes he’s a huge dork but CLAM IT! Once the pods of pre-pubescence calm down, Ryan wastes a few minutes and prolongs the suspense by asking the Davids a few questions. They ramble on…I wonder what I’m going to wear tomorrow…and then Ryan sends them to the safe couch.

Since this was a week of musical theater, we check in with some former Idols who have been on the Great White Way. Diana DeGarmo was in Hair Spray (she’s now at the 7 11 in Decatur) Fantasia was in The Color Purple (when she actually showed up,) Lakesha Jones is in it now, Tamyra Gray is in Rent (well just until September) and Clay Aiken is in Spamalot (yeah, uh, I’m rushing out for tickets on that one.) <Read sarcastic tone here>

It’s performance time. The guest tonight is evidently a creation of Simon’s. He toots his own horn about how she’s the biggest thing right now and how he discovered her and how ENORMOUS his ego is. It’s only when they introduce her that I realize who Leona Lewis is. She performs her hit single”Bleeding Love.” (Love that song!) The girl sounded amazing and wasn’t even lip synching! No wonder Simon is so proud. She’s so good they even giver her flames on stage. Wow, even Mariah didn’t get any pyro.

Back to the results.

Syesha and Brooke are next pair to come out on stage. Brooke looks down right certifiable. Ryan gets them to ramble on a bit. Brooke is safe. Syesha is our first “Bottom 2.”

After the break, Carly and Jason join Ryan on the stage. They ramble again. Ryan is really good at wasting time. I never realized it before, must be all the days spent waiting for his highlights to take. Oh anyway, Jason is safe and Carly rounds out our “Bottom 2.”

OK so I am TOTALLY not hearing what other people are hearing. I know someone who had a good night would have to end up here, but definitely not these two. It’s official… Jason is now my Sanjaya albatross.

The girls get to sing one more time and prove that America is obviously smoking a really bad crack. Carly sings and rocks the shroud off again on “Jesus Christ Superstar.” The girl undoubtedly has pipes. Syesha sings and even though she’s sassy, she almost feels resigned. I guess after being in the Bottom 3 almost every week, the girl just doesn’t know what to do make America love her. Not to worry too much Syesha, evidently you had enough love to last yet another week.

Carly, is leaving us tonight.

Huh, I don’t know what to say. We knew someone had to go but I’m not sure I was ready for Carly to go just yet. But alas… farewell Irish lass, farewell! You had the look, the pipes, and the Idol producers to get you on the show. Unfortunately, the 300 people who bought your album the first time, just couldn’t keep you on the show any longer.

We name our Top 4 next week!

Peace, Love & Show Tunes,
Kristi

Greetings Idol Fans!

Happy Earth Day everyone! Be kind, rewind… no wait… Recycle, Reuse. Yeah that’s it. Take care of Mother Earth, people!!!

On with the show…

In a twist tonight, the Idol band is on the stage..string section and all. Well after all, it is Andrew Lloyd Webber week. The musical genius Brit has been the driving force to bring some of Broadway most memorable shows and songs to life. Heck, we should have costumes and lighting arrangements and falling enormous chandeliers!
Syesha Mercado
The girl fro’d one starts the show with a sassy cover of “One Rock & Roll Too Many” from Starlight Express. Hey, where are the roller skates? She lights up the stage like a star showing loads of personality and tons of talent.
Jason Castro
OK so he’s in a suit, but forgot to iron it but he still remembered the white shoes. He attempts to work his magical mystical toker ways on “Memory.” All I can hope it that I will soon forget his performance. I’ve heard actual cats sing it better.

Brooke White
ALW made her practically cry during her session for “You Must Love Me.” She practically made me cry when she stopped her performance when she forgot her words. I give the gypsy girl props for trying such a strong and passionate song, but I think it was a bit to much for her.
David Archuleta
He perform one of my favorite songs,”Think Of Me” from one of my favorite shows of all time,Phantom of the Opera. He’s got a long way to impress me. He does a easy listening cover that the little elf obviously didn’t arrange himself. It’s good to be the ringer. He forgot the words, mumbled a few bars, but somehow managed to still gain the love of the judges(except Simon) and most definitely not mine.

Carly Smithson
She started with a ballad from Phantom and luckily ALW stepped in with “Jesus Christ Superstar.” Holy Hippie Bible Musical!! She’s blew the sandals of it. Props to ALW for probably saving her butt from the Bottom 3. Amen.

David Cook
OK this was a tricky one. He took on “Music of the Night” from Phantom. This is one of the best known and most beloved songs EVER to echo through the halls of Broadway, so to miss any one of the notes in this could be fatal. Luckily he passed on the rocker edge, and sang it pure and powerful. It was so good, I’m not even going to make fun of his hair.

And that’s the Top 6! Luckily for us and for Andrew Lloyd Webber, no one completely butchered his genius. So Idol Fans who will get to stand center-stage and who will be exiting stage left? Tune in tomorrow as we name our Top 5!!

Peace, Love & Music of the Night,

Kristi

Greetings Idol Fans!

It’s Axe Wednesday and Ryan and his pretty faux hawk are back to squash the dream of another Idol darling harder than Mariahs nuggets in a tube top.

We waste no time and launch right into the theme park segment of the show with the ensemble number. The kids give their best inspirational cheese on “One Sweet Day.” Everybody do the Mariah Gospel Hand!

Ryan goes through the Performances recap. Yeah we got that… we already ready my last recap… So let’s bring the kids out one by one.

Jason Castro – You have a thing for white shoes before Labor Day, that frankly I just don’t understand. Ryan sends you to the right but not to the safe couches…it’s more of an Idol purgatory.

David Cook - Ryan tries to get you talk about your brother who’s battling cancer and the reason you teared up last night, but you’ve already taken the course “How Not To Cry Even if Barbara Walters Interviews You For Celebrities” at Hollywood Community College. Thwarted, Ryan sends you to the left into yet another pod of Idol Purgatory.

Carly Smithson - You’re trying a new prep school matron look that I can respect. However the huge tatty sleeve you’re sporting just makes you look like a pin up in the Harley Davidson Naughty School Girl Calendar. You go stage left with Jason.

Kristy Lee Cook - You called Simon a butt. I think it’s the first thing that’s come out of your mouth that I actually enjoyed. Don’t let it happen again. Go join David on the left.

Oh I’ve been waiting for this for 30 minutes. It’s Ford Commercial time! The kids cover “I Want To Break Free” by Queen and do a very weird office cube puppet thing. Oh that is so 2000 people…uh, N’Sync did that their video for “Bye Bye Bye.” And uh, yes I know my N’Sync videos, I accept my boy band addiction!

Former Idol contestant from Season 5, Elliot Yamin takes the stage to perform “Free.” Who knew a tiny white guy could have that much soul. At the end of the performance, he raises his hand to show a handwritten “WE MISS YOU MOM” in honor of his mom who passed away earlier this month. It’s a good moment.

Back to the results,

Syesha Mercado – I don’t know what exactly is going on with your hair tonight. It’s half girl ‘fro, half limp Mohawk. Did Sanjaya mug you backstage? It gonna be alright now, you go join Jason and Carly on the right.

Brooke White – You start the waterworks if you lose an eyelash and don’t make a wish. Grab a Kleenex and join David and Kristy in the left group.

Back from the break, it’s time for the weekly “Suck the time and life right out of me Q/A” segment. I try to pay attention but all I hear is Kristy and a horse and if David Cook is single. Sounds perverted… almost makes me wish I paid attention… almost.

This week’s mentor takes stage next. Mariah enters the stage in a what I can only describe as a black lycra sausage casing. Seriously, not much more Mimi could actually fit into that dress! In fact it looks like girls are about to pop out of the sides. Whatever you do Mariah… don’t sneeze! She’s sings one of her new songs that sounds like she’s half singing half whisper rambling. It’s not a song, it’s a conversation to track beat. Buh Bye, Buh Bye, Buh Bye… Can’t you just sing that Christmas song? At least I know that has a real melody.

After the break, the stage is set like this… on the left we have David Cook, Kristy Lee Cook, and Brooke White. On the right we have Syesha Mercado, Carly Smithson and Jason Castro. Ryan calls David Archuleta to the stage.

David Archuleta - I wish you would tell me when Members Only Jacket came back in. You’ve got a week to let me know because you’re safe.

Ryan makes David Cook and Syesha switch groups and then he asks David Archuleta to stand with the group he thinks is safe. David sits in the middle of stage… I’m not sure if he’s just trying to be PC, or if that request was just too much for his little unassuming brain to process. Ryan gives him a few hints before just sending the group of David Cook, Jason and Carly to center-stage to pick the little gomer up. They’re all safe. Which means Syesha, Kristy and Brooke… you are so “Bottom 3.”

After the break, Ryan pardons Syesha and leaves Brooke and Kristy center-stage. The judges ramble a bit and then Ryan lets the Idol axe fall. And tonight… Kristy is leaving us. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! <insert funky elimination dance here> OK I know that’s mean, but if I wanted to spend my Tuesday nights listening to mediocre karaoke I’d go to Sing Sing Karaoke Bar in the East Village.

So fare-the-well, fair Kristy Lee. You lost your best horse and your dreams of stardom. You and the Idol Producers all thought this was your time to shine. Oh fair Kristy… let’s be honest , the two record labels that dropped your blonde ass can’t be wrong.

Peace, Love & Iron Clad Record Deals,

Kristi

Greetings Idol Fans!!

After a week of traveling about the country and a bout with bronchitis, I’m back to give the Idol kids hell. However, with the departure of Michael Johns last week, I may be too ecstatic to be mean. No wait, Kristy Lee Cook is still on…I think I got a little mean left in me.

OK so Idol got rid of the guest judges, but just can’t seem to let go of the whole mentor thing. I guess there are too many artists with albums and products to hock. Anyway, tonight’s mentor is none other than butterfly clad Mariah Carey. She’s finally fully recovered from her Glitter debacle and newly svelte, just in time to sell her new album, “E=MC2.”

On with the show!

David Archuleta

The short stack packed his little unassuming self into a pair of leather pants and covers “When You Believe.” OK, David wearing leather pants is about as natural as Simon wearing a turtleneck, Paula being sober and Randy not dropping names. The judges liked his performance but I just fell asleep and had nightmares about Bilbo Baggins in an S&M outfit.

Carly Smithson

Carly finally embraces her diva-dom with a purple frock cut “down to there” and comes out belting on “I Can’t Live.” The judges of course do the inevitable comparison. But dude, you made her sing a Mariah song. None-the-less, I think Idol can’t live with her another week.

Syesha Mercado

Looking like a gold lame siren on “Vanishing.” OK I knew the girl could sing, but where the heck did those pipes come from. That run in the middle went on for miles! The judges again compare her performance to Mariah. Hello? You made her sing Mariah. She didn’t have a choice.

Brooke White

Missed her sister’s wedding. She covers “Hero” in a singer/songwriter smokey lounge way. I kind of wish she’d left the piano back stage on this one. I think it got in the way of her vocals. The judges compare her performance to Mariah. (Anyone noticing a pattern?) But people, you made her sing Mariah!

Kristy Lee Cook

The annoying girl next door, does her best Nashville twang on “Forever” OMG, the judge actually don’t compare her to Mariah! Maybe because it was such bad karaoke that there really was no comparison. Paula rambles on about legacy and both kinds of music… country and western.

David Cook

He does the whole rocker cover of “Always Be My Baby”and makes it sound like a stalker theme song. Does anyone notice that he sort of sounds like that lead singer of Hootie & The Blowfish? Randy liked it because he gave him the first Randy Standing O of the season. Paula and Simon felt the love too. So much that it made the budding rockstar tear up. Well either that or the blood pressure meds are wreaking havoc on his hormones.

Jason Castro

The locked one finishes up the show with a beatnik/tribal fusion on “I Don’t Want To Cry.” It was original and definitely worthy of one of those off-brand compilations of smooth jazz CDs that you find at a street fairs. You know like “Muzak Presents: Smokey Jams.”

And the Top 7 have once again placed their fates in our hands. Don’t you just love redial? So which Idol will be America’s “Dream Lover” and who will say farewell “One Sweet Day?” Tune in tomorrow night and find out!!

Peace, Love & 5 Octives,
Kristi

Greeting Idol Fans!

I could go into a big long fancy, witty intro paragraph, but since Ryan wasted no time with intros, neither shall I.

So without further adieu, the kids launch right into the Group song. OH we all knew it was coming. we knew it weeks ago when they announced Dolly Parton was scheduled to appear. You hear it in your head… that lone piano note…

dum dum dum dum dumdum dum dum….EVERYBODY TOGETHER!

“WORKING 9 to 5! What a way to make a livin!”

Oh yeah, you know you’re singing along. I’m actually surprised they didn’t bust out a sappy version of “Islands In the Stream” But come to think of it… I think that was done a couple of season ago and with equally hokie results.
On with the results. Ryan recaps the performance. I still think we’re funnier here at IdolBlather. But that’s neither here nor there. Ryan then begins the cattle call.

Michael Johns – You’re the first to the stage in your snazzy Dolly t-shirt and the first to be safe.

David Archuletta – Little dude, America is taken by your garden gnome good looks and LiteFM vocal stylings. You’re safe again.

Carly Smithson- Simon hates your fashion sense but it seems like enough fans love your voice. You and your skin tight jeans can head over to the couch.

Well, I’m beginning to develop a fear the first commercial break of the show. Would it be Ad-aphobia? Commerciaphobia? Whatever it’s called, it always seems to bring the dreaded Q&A time on Idol. I tend to zone out here or get up to get a drink (even with DVR) so I luckily miss the banter crap.

So I’m rehydrated from my Snapple and it’s time for a musical interlude. The Clark Brothers won American Greatest Band. I have absolutely NO idea why. They were like a dreadful morph of Ricky Skaggs and Fuel. Who knew you could “rock out” on a Mandolin?

They say bad things happen in threes. OK so we had the Q&A crap… the Clark Brothers… so that only leaves the Ford Commercial. Yep there it is. Must.. fight… urge… to buy… an Edge…

Back to the results.

David Cook – you had some trouble with your BP, but seems like America’s heart still beats for you. You’re Safe.

Ramiele Mulabay – You sweet little lychee, you got excited because you actually walked and sang at the same time last night… stellar. There’s no singing tonight, but you are walking over to the Bottom 3.

Kristy Lee Cook – Oh my gawd are you psychic? It’s like you knew you were going to be heading to the bedpan stools. Kristy, you are soooooo Bottom 3. YAY!! I got to say it. All is right with the world again.

After the break, we take an unexplainable trip to Nashville. We catch up with some former Idol stars…Bucky….Phil Stacey and Bo. Ryan mentioned something about seeing them again soon but I have no idea why.

Syesha Mercado – Given that there’s still 2 Idols left back stage, your odds of safety are pretty good. And they are indeed.

Brooke White and Jason Castro are the last 2 and….. the last Idol Kid in the Bottom 3 is Jas—- BROOKE!?!!? OK I am soooo not hearing what the whackados that voting hear. She’s been the Idol sweetheart for weeks and now she get a low number of votes? Wow America turns so quickly.

Well we have like 10 minutes left of prime time ad space so we won’t rip the band-aid off just yet Ramiele, Kristy and Brooke. You sit back and wallow in your Bottom 3-ness while we take another video trip into Idol Gives Back.

After IGB (Yes, I actually gave it an acronym,) the one and only Dolly Parton takes the stage to sing her new song “Jesus and Gravity” from her album. I know she’s a living legend and all, but holy crap is this bad. I’m all about shooting props to the 60 year old still performing, but maybe she ought to stick to the stuff she knows and is known for.Ok so it’s the final axe time. Brooke is already a ball of sob and rambles on about pouring souls into the show, and Idol Gives Back and how Dolly sang about Jesus and wah wah wah. Cripes. Ryan mercifully send her back to the couch of safety before she too full of snot.

And finally, probably less out of mercy and more out of the fact they were running out of time, Ryan delivers the news quickly, that Ramiele will be the one leaving us tonight.

So goodbye Tiny Malubay. You showed us that a giant voice could come from a little package. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to capture a giant piece of America’s heart. Well that, and you weren’t an plant. So good luck Ramiele. I know you will indeed cross my and thousands of fans minds, if even for a brief moment, each time we pour soy sauce on our tempura.

Peace, Love & really big… Hits,
Kristi

Greetings Idol Fans!

Unfortunately due to copyright infringement issues, there will be no IdolBlather recap this week….
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APRIL FOOLS!!!!!  Hey if Ryan can do it why can’t I?? 

ON TO THE SHOW!

Tonight’s Idol mentor is Dolly Parton.  The buxom “Backwoods Barbie” gives the kids lots of encouragement and lifetime passes to Dollywood.  Yee Haw Everybody.
Brooke

Our resident folk girl sings”Jolene” about a girl begging another not to take her man.  It wasn’t the best, but I think it was enough for Brooke to keep the man and her fans. I just have one fashion comment for her… Please please please, eat a sandwich!  She looked so thin I think the buttons on her pants were hanging on to her hip bones for dear life!

David C

Ooo, they did his hair better this week!  I think there might be some extensions in there.  It actually looks thicker.  Speaking of thick, he lays the rocker thing on thick for his cover of”Little Sparrow” with acoustic guitar.  Who knew you could take the twang out of Dolly’s hillbilly best?  He rocked it yet again this week.  I think the new ‘do is helping his “IT” quotient.

Ramiele

The tiny little pixie doll  attempts “Do I Ever Cross Your Mind” and shows how completely out of her element she is with the Dolly classic.  She kept it country but unfortunately also kept it Karaoke.  Definitely not going to be crossing anyone’s mind in the votes. I think you can tell the pressure of keeping up with the semi-pros is taking it’s toll.

Jason

The Rasta boy has a stalker chick in Colorado who sends multiple postcards at once.  Sweet.  With his rendition of “Traveling  Man” he yet again reminds me of a hacky sacks, hemp beads and bong water.  But at least this week, he picks up the tempo and the performance.

Carly

Ye Irish Lass  covers “Here You Come Again”  sans the 80’s pop country back beat and place in LiteFM playlist history.  She slows it down to a soulful pace and proves why she had a record deal  in the first place. Oh that’s right,no wonder she sounds so pro… she already was. But I’m not bitter…:D

David A

The baby hobbit covers “Smokey Mountain Miracles.”  OK honestly, does kid know at least ONE up-tempo song?  He is so sappy that if you stuck a tube up his butt, you’d get Maple Syrup.

Kristy

Could she having stepped in it any more?  Country week with Dolly Parton… this girl should be thanking the Idol Gods… or Idol Idols?  Either way, the whole freakin’ song was in her lower register and completely lacked personality and then she suddenly shoves the ending up into her “Big Finish.” The whole thing totally felt disconnected.  She needs to find her shoes and go home to the horse farm.

Syesha

As the only representative of R&B she of course had to pick “I Will Always Love You” by Dolly come Whitney.   Did anyone else get annoyed with the “propped up on the piano, staring into the camera” incessantly crap?  She does her best and shows off her pipes, but unfortunately the comparison to the original might be too much to overcome.

Michael

Ok the dude is wearing an ascot… or in his case, could it be an as(s)cot?  Hee Hee.  He goes all Joe Cocker gospel on “It’s All Wrong, But It’s Alright” and made us all say Amen.  He can leave his hat on.. he’s getting through another week with that.

So that’s our Top 9.  So which Idols will America always love, and who will be saying goodbye to stardom and back to 9 to 5?

Tune in tomorrow to find out!

Peace, Love and Pickin’,
Kristi

Greetings Idol Fans!

We’ve come to another night of everything we love best about Idol — cheezy commercials, stupid “Get To Know Me” reels with idols, Simon’s chest hair and dashing the dreams of another Idol dreamer.

Just in case any of you Blather readers are budding “Ar-teests” American Idol Songwriters challenge is back this year. There has to be someone out there that can write a better song than that slop “This Is My Now” from last season. “This is My Now and this is my covering my ears.

Hey everybody! It’s Top 10 Ensemble time! <Feign Excitement Here> The kids do their best high school musical moves on “Right Back To Where We Started From.” It reminds me of those traveling shows that used to come to my grade school. Not much value, but a great way to get out of Social Studies.

After the break, Ryan introduces a video just to pimp the whole iTunes thing again. THe video takes us on a deep and (un)interesting look at the kids recording their songs and hocking iPods, Apple computers and iPhones, oh my.

Ok so Ryan does the regular recap of the night’s performances which is by far not as funny as mine, but whatever. He then brings out each Idolette one by one to face the votes.

Chikezie – You went R&B last night but it wasn’t Vandrossy enough…you’re going to the stools.. You’re Bottom 3.

Brooke - You were the perfect dichotomy of sweet innocent folk singer girl and psycho stalker. Your legions of stalkers kept you in another week.

Carly - You have a fondness for ugly tight jeans and evidently for Spanx. America is still fond of you, you’re safe.

Time to break for the Ford Commercial! Nifty little vid for “I Want You To Want Me” I want Ford to stop wanting these damned time wasters. I’ve been watching these things for 7 years and I still don’t want a Focus.

Back to the show!

David A – If we put you in gray shorts and knee socks, you’d look like Eddie Munster. Right now, you look like someone in the Top 9.

David C – You smug, balding so-and-so. Well keep being smug, America loves you and your Chris Cornell boost.

Syesha - You blasted the rafters with “If I were Your Woman” but evidently the fans aren’t sure about you as their woman. You are Bottom 3.

Michael - Being the selfish and egotistical bastard you are, you just had to sing 2 songs in one night. Well American loved both of them, you’re safe.

After the break, it’s that damned questions from the viewers segment again. Honestly, I purposely stay away from the 15 years in the mall, why must I be subjected their prepubescent inquiries?

Kimberly Locke is up after the break. We learn a little bit about the former Idol star. Like every good singing artist she focuses her talents on a restaurant. Justin did it, Britney did it, JLo did it so obviously pop stars are great culinary talents too. Well who ever she’s got cooking for her, it’s working. She looks great and sounds amazing on her new single, “Fall” in stores (and on the IdolBlather Music Store) now.

More results!

Ramiele - You sort of look like a Bratz Doll hooker tonight but it doesn’t matter, the country still loves you.

Jason and Kristy - You’re the last two Idols to head center-stage. Jason, you did your folk singer thang and batted those 2 big baby blues. Kristy, you went all Miss Teen Patriotic American Pageant with your karaoke cover. The last in our Bottom 3 is… Jason??

WHAT!?!??!?!!!!?!? I’m sorry does that Kristy girl have a pocket full of Get Out Of Jail Free cards or just a really good agent with deep pockets? How does she avoid the Bottom 3 with THAT performance. Idol gives me no joy if I can’t utter the phrase “Kristy, you are sooooo Bottom 3!” Cripes.

So our Bottom 3 this week are, to the amazement of yours truly, Chikezie, Syesha and Jason. Ryan quickly interviews Jason about being in the Bottom 3 and then quickly cuts the dread-locked toker when he starts to ramble by sending him back to the couch safe another week.

Unfortunately, Chikezie couldn’t win the love of enough fans to stick around another week… he’s going home.

Oh dear Chikezie Eze; you dropped your last name in hopes of achieving the success of many of the one named stars out there, Cher, Madonna, Seal, Sting and Weird Al (I know that’s 2 words, but the first is an adjective and doesn’t count) Anyhoo, fear not young Eze, with your talent, and Ryan’s Man Love, you’re bound to go far in Hollywood. And if not, I’m sure there’s always room for a country/R&B brother in Branson. Cowboy Troy, move over!

Peace, Love & Adoring Fans,
Kristi

Greetings Idol Fans!

We said farewell to Amanda last week leaving her to clean out bedpans again and us with our Top 10. Yep these kids will be coming soon to an arena near you.

Tonights theme is the year they were born. What a theme.. that’s basically like saying here’s a years worth of music, 1000’s of songs, and pick one. Oooo what a challenge! <insert Eye Roll here>

Ramiele was born in 1987. Ugh, I have a “RELAX” t-shirt older than her. She sings “Alone ” by Heart. Yeah the same song Carly rocked it out on in the semis. Ramiele’s been accused of not having much stage personality. I think she’s mistaken screaming for having stage presence. She’s got a big voice, but she’s got to learn to control it.

Jason was born in 1987 too and today is his birthday. I think he has dreads older than my “RELAX” t-shirt. He does his reliable “Guy, Guitar” routine on “Fragile” by Sting which is nice, but pretty safe. We get the Venice Beach homeless thing, it’s time to move on.

Syesha rounds out the trifecta of Idolettes born in 1987. She takes on “If I Were Your Woman” made famous by Gladys Knight and remade by Stephanie Mills. Her awesome girl fro is back and so is her voice. She rocked it.

Chikezie makes me feel less old by being born in 1985. Finally, he embraces his inner Vandross on “If Only For One Night.” Unfortunately the judges weren’t embracing his performance. But I think that’s just because they had to save their love for the other brats they’re pimping out.

Brooke was born in 1983 practically with a piano in her hand. Thankfully for her mom , she wasn’t but thankfully for us, she picked it up soon after. She tries to take the stalker out of “Every Breath You Take” and is good enough to probably get a few of her own.

Michael was born in 1978 and holds the honor of being the ONLY Idol hopeful born in different decade. He does a combo of “We Will Rock You/We Are The Champions” by Queen. He’s not happy singing one song, so he has to butcher two Queen songs. The judges love it. I can only believe that Paula slipped Randy and Simon some of her happy pills and they ended up temporarily deaf.

Carly takes on the hit “Total Eclipse Of The Heart” from her birth year of 1983. She comes out in a Star Trek inspired mini dress looking a bit apprehensive. The song was OK, but then she did this weird screaming run at the end with a move that looked like she popped a squat right on stage. It was just awkward.

David A again makes me realize my fleeting youth by letting us know he was just born last decade in 1990. Somebody pass me the anti-wrinkle eye cream and the Geritol. Good Lord, he’s going all socially conscious again on “You’re The Voice” by John Farnham. The way all the tweenies are screaming I think he might be the 4th Jonas Brother.

Kristy was born in 1984. The book says its the year supposedly of Big Brother, totalitarianism and torture. Speaking of torture, she sings “God Bless The USA” By Lee Greenwood. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? Is she auditioning for the Democratic or Republican conventions this year? There is video on YouTube of her singing this song at some bad convention in a bad silver sequined pageant dress. Wanna see? Dude, I’m all “Go USA” too but this is so lame, it might border on treason.

David C, born in 1982, is the 2nd eldest of the Idol Kids. I can’t really say David covers “Billy Jean” by Michael Jackson because there’s really no resemblance to the original song. He basically goes all Emo all over Billy Jeans ass. He takes it down to an dark, gritty rock club and blows the crap out of it. I will continue to make fun of his big head and/or a receding hair line to the very end, but I have to give him props. This guy is a star.

The big talents really stepped up tonight and the talentless proved it again. My picks for Bottom 3 this week are Kristy (DUH!) Chikezie and Carly. And God willing (taking time from blessing the USA of course) Kristy will leave us tomorrow night!

Tune in tomorrow, Idol Fans when we dash the hopes of our next Idol loser!

Peace, Love & Good Song Choice,
Kristi

Greetings Idol Fans!

We made it! After hours and hours of delusional auditions, Coke product placements and trailers for “Jumper,” the Auditions are finally over. It’s Top 24, and time for you and I to control the fates of 24 Idol hopefuls. Over the next 3 weeks, we get to decide which 12 dreams are one step closer to realization and which 6 guys and 6 girls dreams are over. It’s good to be the judge.

Seacrest Fashion Fix: I don’t know about you, but GEE do I miss Ryan’s Highlights. Boring brown just doesn’t cut it. Beside, I don’t have anything to make fun of.

Speaking of Ryan, he AGAIN, reminds us this is the Best Talent Ever. I guess they just want us to realize that there’s no chance of a Sanjaya incident this year.

Tonight it’s guys up first with 60’s night. What a great choice. This is the first night these kids are going to be live on TV and you make them sing songs that were recorded at least 25 years before they were even born!?!?!!?

Apple finally got their hands on the Idol machine, you can download tonights performances on iTunes for 99 cents a pop.

David Hernandez

Gives us a sappy story about being raised by a single parent, and how singing is his escape. He starts the show with “Midnight Hour.” He had me at first with the slow and gospelly opening but then lost me when he jazzed it up.

Chikezie

In preparation for anticipated stardom, he dropped his last name. Looking like a dapper 70’s velveteen pumpkin pimp, he croons away on ” I Love You More.” He seems nervous at first, but works out the kinks. Simon calls him Jacuzzi which I think is hilarious.

David Cook

The dude got a really bad hair cut, but it’s all to hide a really bad receding hairline. He starts “Happy Together” out kind of creepy and stalker-ish, but by the end he screams his way to a decent rock version.

Jason Yeager

Is it me or is he the victim of a drive by dye job on his bangs? What’s with the one blonde piece? Anyhoo, he chooses a slow song… “Moon River.” It’s so “Performances nightly at Mohegan Sun.” Seriously, if he keeps this up, he’ll be the Idol of many a Senior Center.

Robbie Carrico

Former boy-bander who wants to leave his soul on stage for the audience to see…as long as all they see is rock star. So he goes with the Three Dog Night song “One.” He does his best Daughtry impression and Randy and Paula buy it. Simon is still not sure if there’s a Justin Timberlake lurking somewhere under all that hair and scruff.

David Archuleta

The bashful, unassuming former StarSearch contestant gives stardom another try with “Shop Around.” I feel like I’m watching a recital at a performing arts high school. The judges the love him, but I think either the producers told them to love it or they didn’t want to say anything negative to make the poor boy cry.

Danny Noriega

The little mop-topped pixie in his Old Navy skinny jeans takes on the King and “Jailhouse Rock.” Paula says he has many colors to his voice, but quite frankly, I think it’s more like if a rainbow threw up. It was a bad Chelsea Karaoke performance. But I think I said that more than a few times about Sanjaya and look how that turned out. Dang it….

Luke Menard

Carpet Cleaner who looks like a cross between Luke Perry and Orlando Bloom. He whimpers out a rendition of “Everybody’s Talkin.” Unfortunately, I think nerves got the best of him and no one will be talking about him after this week.

Colton Berry

Self-proclaimed Ellen DeGeneres look-alike. Another teenie bopper who takes on the King with “Suspicious Minds.” I don’t think he’s even old enough to know what this song is about. Does anyone know if Disney is casting for High School Musical 4 yet?

Garrett Haley

The little guy with the big 70’s hair. He’s got the art of mousse down, but someone needs to show the lad how to shave. What’s with the peach fuzz ’stache? He attempts to be soulful on Neil Sedaka’s “Breakin’ Up Is Hard To Do.” Unfortunately shaving isn’t the only grown up thing the tyke needs to learn. His performance is a little empty.

Jason Castro

The blue eyed, dread-head is the first Idol this season to bring his guitar on stage for his rendition of “Daydream.” He’s jovial, entertaining and fun. The only thing we’re missing is a hacky sack and a skate park.

Michael Johns

Aussie singer who used to be in a band until he left and stole their songs, uh so he’s a nice guy. Anyway, enough about that… (but you can see more here.) He channels the late great Jim Morrison on “Light My Fire” including cheezy flame graphic background. It’s good, it’s rockin’, it’s enough to get him through.

So I know you’re all dying to know who my picks are for who’s going home. I think Jason Yeager and Luke Menard maybe calling Continental for plane tickets home this week. I think they will both be the victims of not enough airtime during Hollywood week and pretty weak performance tonight. I could be wrong, but I’ll bet anything they’ll be in the bottom on Thursday.

Anyhoo, tomorrow night the ladies take center stage in hopes of winning your love. Tune in then!

Peace, Love and Grooviness,
Kristi

PS: Learn more about all 24 Idols here: www.americanidol.com/contestants/season7/