Greetings Idol Fans!

We’ve come to another night of everything we love best about Idol — cheezy commercials, stupid “Get To Know Me” reels with idols, Simon’s chest hair and dashing the dreams of another Idol dreamer.

Just in case any of you Blather readers are budding “Ar-teests” American Idol Songwriters challenge is back this year. There has to be someone out there that can write a better song than that slop “This Is My Now” from last season. “This is My Now and this is my covering my ears.

Hey everybody! It’s Top 10 Ensemble time! <Feign Excitement Here> The kids do their best high school musical moves on “Right Back To Where We Started From.” It reminds me of those traveling shows that used to come to my grade school. Not much value, but a great way to get out of Social Studies.

After the break, Ryan introduces a video just to pimp the whole iTunes thing again. THe video takes us on a deep and (un)interesting look at the kids recording their songs and hocking iPods, Apple computers and iPhones, oh my.

Ok so Ryan does the regular recap of the night’s performances which is by far not as funny as mine, but whatever. He then brings out each Idolette one by one to face the votes.

Chikezie – You went R&B last night but it wasn’t Vandrossy enough…you’re going to the stools.. You’re Bottom 3.

Brooke - You were the perfect dichotomy of sweet innocent folk singer girl and psycho stalker. Your legions of stalkers kept you in another week.

Carly - You have a fondness for ugly tight jeans and evidently for Spanx. America is still fond of you, you’re safe.

Time to break for the Ford Commercial! Nifty little vid for “I Want You To Want Me” I want Ford to stop wanting these damned time wasters. I’ve been watching these things for 7 years and I still don’t want a Focus.

Back to the show!

David A – If we put you in gray shorts and knee socks, you’d look like Eddie Munster. Right now, you look like someone in the Top 9.

David C – You smug, balding so-and-so. Well keep being smug, America loves you and your Chris Cornell boost.

Syesha - You blasted the rafters with “If I were Your Woman” but evidently the fans aren’t sure about you as their woman. You are Bottom 3.

Michael - Being the selfish and egotistical bastard you are, you just had to sing 2 songs in one night. Well American loved both of them, you’re safe.

After the break, it’s that damned questions from the viewers segment again. Honestly, I purposely stay away from the 15 years in the mall, why must I be subjected their prepubescent inquiries?

Kimberly Locke is up after the break. We learn a little bit about the former Idol star. Like every good singing artist she focuses her talents on a restaurant. Justin did it, Britney did it, JLo did it so obviously pop stars are great culinary talents too. Well who ever she’s got cooking for her, it’s working. She looks great and sounds amazing on her new single, “Fall” in stores (and on the IdolBlather Music Store) now.

More results!

Ramiele - You sort of look like a Bratz Doll hooker tonight but it doesn’t matter, the country still loves you.

Jason and Kristy - You’re the last two Idols to head center-stage. Jason, you did your folk singer thang and batted those 2 big baby blues. Kristy, you went all Miss Teen Patriotic American Pageant with your karaoke cover. The last in our Bottom 3 is… Jason??

WHAT!?!??!?!!!!?!? I’m sorry does that Kristy girl have a pocket full of Get Out Of Jail Free cards or just a really good agent with deep pockets? How does she avoid the Bottom 3 with THAT performance. Idol gives me no joy if I can’t utter the phrase “Kristy, you are sooooo Bottom 3!” Cripes.

So our Bottom 3 this week are, to the amazement of yours truly, Chikezie, Syesha and Jason. Ryan quickly interviews Jason about being in the Bottom 3 and then quickly cuts the dread-locked toker when he starts to ramble by sending him back to the couch safe another week.

Unfortunately, Chikezie couldn’t win the love of enough fans to stick around another week… he’s going home.

Oh dear Chikezie Eze; you dropped your last name in hopes of achieving the success of many of the one named stars out there, Cher, Madonna, Seal, Sting and Weird Al (I know that’s 2 words, but the first is an adjective and doesn’t count) Anyhoo, fear not young Eze, with your talent, and Ryan’s Man Love, you’re bound to go far in Hollywood. And if not, I’m sure there’s always room for a country/R&B brother in Branson. Cowboy Troy, move over!

Peace, Love & Adoring Fans,
Kristi

Greetings Idol Fans!

We said farewell to Amanda last week leaving her to clean out bedpans again and us with our Top 10. Yep these kids will be coming soon to an arena near you.

Tonights theme is the year they were born. What a theme.. that’s basically like saying here’s a years worth of music, 1000’s of songs, and pick one. Oooo what a challenge! <insert Eye Roll here>

Ramiele was born in 1987. Ugh, I have a “RELAX” t-shirt older than her. She sings “Alone ” by Heart. Yeah the same song Carly rocked it out on in the semis. Ramiele’s been accused of not having much stage personality. I think she’s mistaken screaming for having stage presence. She’s got a big voice, but she’s got to learn to control it.

Jason was born in 1987 too and today is his birthday. I think he has dreads older than my “RELAX” t-shirt. He does his reliable “Guy, Guitar” routine on “Fragile” by Sting which is nice, but pretty safe. We get the Venice Beach homeless thing, it’s time to move on.

Syesha rounds out the trifecta of Idolettes born in 1987. She takes on “If I Were Your Woman” made famous by Gladys Knight and remade by Stephanie Mills. Her awesome girl fro is back and so is her voice. She rocked it.

Chikezie makes me feel less old by being born in 1985. Finally, he embraces his inner Vandross on “If Only For One Night.” Unfortunately the judges weren’t embracing his performance. But I think that’s just because they had to save their love for the other brats they’re pimping out.

Brooke was born in 1983 practically with a piano in her hand. Thankfully for her mom , she wasn’t but thankfully for us, she picked it up soon after. She tries to take the stalker out of “Every Breath You Take” and is good enough to probably get a few of her own.

Michael was born in 1978 and holds the honor of being the ONLY Idol hopeful born in different decade. He does a combo of “We Will Rock You/We Are The Champions” by Queen. He’s not happy singing one song, so he has to butcher two Queen songs. The judges love it. I can only believe that Paula slipped Randy and Simon some of her happy pills and they ended up temporarily deaf.

Carly takes on the hit “Total Eclipse Of The Heart” from her birth year of 1983. She comes out in a Star Trek inspired mini dress looking a bit apprehensive. The song was OK, but then she did this weird screaming run at the end with a move that looked like she popped a squat right on stage. It was just awkward.

David A again makes me realize my fleeting youth by letting us know he was just born last decade in 1990. Somebody pass me the anti-wrinkle eye cream and the Geritol. Good Lord, he’s going all socially conscious again on “You’re The Voice” by John Farnham. The way all the tweenies are screaming I think he might be the 4th Jonas Brother.

Kristy was born in 1984. The book says its the year supposedly of Big Brother, totalitarianism and torture. Speaking of torture, she sings “God Bless The USA” By Lee Greenwood. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? Is she auditioning for the Democratic or Republican conventions this year? There is video on YouTube of her singing this song at some bad convention in a bad silver sequined pageant dress. Wanna see? Dude, I’m all “Go USA” too but this is so lame, it might border on treason.

David C, born in 1982, is the 2nd eldest of the Idol Kids. I can’t really say David covers “Billy Jean” by Michael Jackson because there’s really no resemblance to the original song. He basically goes all Emo all over Billy Jeans ass. He takes it down to an dark, gritty rock club and blows the crap out of it. I will continue to make fun of his big head and/or a receding hair line to the very end, but I have to give him props. This guy is a star.

The big talents really stepped up tonight and the talentless proved it again. My picks for Bottom 3 this week are Kristy (DUH!) Chikezie and Carly. And God willing (taking time from blessing the USA of course) Kristy will leave us tomorrow night!

Tune in tomorrow, Idol Fans when we dash the hopes of our next Idol loser!

Peace, Love & Good Song Choice,
Kristi

Greetings Idol Fans!

We made it! After hours and hours of delusional auditions, Coke product placements and trailers for “Jumper,” the Auditions are finally over. It’s Top 24, and time for you and I to control the fates of 24 Idol hopefuls. Over the next 3 weeks, we get to decide which 12 dreams are one step closer to realization and which 6 guys and 6 girls dreams are over. It’s good to be the judge.

Seacrest Fashion Fix: I don’t know about you, but GEE do I miss Ryan’s Highlights. Boring brown just doesn’t cut it. Beside, I don’t have anything to make fun of.

Speaking of Ryan, he AGAIN, reminds us this is the Best Talent Ever. I guess they just want us to realize that there’s no chance of a Sanjaya incident this year.

Tonight it’s guys up first with 60’s night. What a great choice. This is the first night these kids are going to be live on TV and you make them sing songs that were recorded at least 25 years before they were even born!?!?!!?

Apple finally got their hands on the Idol machine, you can download tonights performances on iTunes for 99 cents a pop.

David Hernandez

Gives us a sappy story about being raised by a single parent, and how singing is his escape. He starts the show with “Midnight Hour.” He had me at first with the slow and gospelly opening but then lost me when he jazzed it up.

Chikezie

In preparation for anticipated stardom, he dropped his last name. Looking like a dapper 70’s velveteen pumpkin pimp, he croons away on ” I Love You More.” He seems nervous at first, but works out the kinks. Simon calls him Jacuzzi which I think is hilarious.

David Cook

The dude got a really bad hair cut, but it’s all to hide a really bad receding hairline. He starts “Happy Together” out kind of creepy and stalker-ish, but by the end he screams his way to a decent rock version.

Jason Yeager

Is it me or is he the victim of a drive by dye job on his bangs? What’s with the one blonde piece? Anyhoo, he chooses a slow song… “Moon River.” It’s so “Performances nightly at Mohegan Sun.” Seriously, if he keeps this up, he’ll be the Idol of many a Senior Center.

Robbie Carrico

Former boy-bander who wants to leave his soul on stage for the audience to see…as long as all they see is rock star. So he goes with the Three Dog Night song “One.” He does his best Daughtry impression and Randy and Paula buy it. Simon is still not sure if there’s a Justin Timberlake lurking somewhere under all that hair and scruff.

David Archuleta

The bashful, unassuming former StarSearch contestant gives stardom another try with “Shop Around.” I feel like I’m watching a recital at a performing arts high school. The judges the love him, but I think either the producers told them to love it or they didn’t want to say anything negative to make the poor boy cry.

Danny Noriega

The little mop-topped pixie in his Old Navy skinny jeans takes on the King and “Jailhouse Rock.” Paula says he has many colors to his voice, but quite frankly, I think it’s more like if a rainbow threw up. It was a bad Chelsea Karaoke performance. But I think I said that more than a few times about Sanjaya and look how that turned out. Dang it….

Luke Menard

Carpet Cleaner who looks like a cross between Luke Perry and Orlando Bloom. He whimpers out a rendition of “Everybody’s Talkin.” Unfortunately, I think nerves got the best of him and no one will be talking about him after this week.

Colton Berry

Self-proclaimed Ellen DeGeneres look-alike. Another teenie bopper who takes on the King with “Suspicious Minds.” I don’t think he’s even old enough to know what this song is about. Does anyone know if Disney is casting for High School Musical 4 yet?

Garrett Haley

The little guy with the big 70’s hair. He’s got the art of mousse down, but someone needs to show the lad how to shave. What’s with the peach fuzz ’stache? He attempts to be soulful on Neil Sedaka’s “Breakin’ Up Is Hard To Do.” Unfortunately shaving isn’t the only grown up thing the tyke needs to learn. His performance is a little empty.

Jason Castro

The blue eyed, dread-head is the first Idol this season to bring his guitar on stage for his rendition of “Daydream.” He’s jovial, entertaining and fun. The only thing we’re missing is a hacky sack and a skate park.

Michael Johns

Aussie singer who used to be in a band until he left and stole their songs, uh so he’s a nice guy. Anyway, enough about that… (but you can see more here.) He channels the late great Jim Morrison on “Light My Fire” including cheezy flame graphic background. It’s good, it’s rockin’, it’s enough to get him through.

So I know you’re all dying to know who my picks are for who’s going home. I think Jason Yeager and Luke Menard maybe calling Continental for plane tickets home this week. I think they will both be the victims of not enough airtime during Hollywood week and pretty weak performance tonight. I could be wrong, but I’ll bet anything they’ll be in the bottom on Thursday.

Anyhoo, tomorrow night the ladies take center stage in hopes of winning your love. Tune in then!

Peace, Love and Grooviness,
Kristi

PS: Learn more about all 24 Idols here: www.americanidol.com/contestants/season7/