Greetings Idol Fans!

We are back for our second night of songs from the decade that gave us spandex, Jelly Bracelets, Miami Vice and the designer series Trapper Keepers. Dude, who needs a CrackBerry when you can have all your personal effects in a 11 x 12″ portable plastic filing system? Totally Tubular.

Anyhoo, on with the show!

Asia’h

She once was an extra in a movie for a roller skating scene and fell on her ass. She took on “I Wanna Dance With Someone” by Whitney and not once did her raspy-voiced little buttcheeks hit the floor. Randy and Paula loved it (Paula was dancing around like a drunken sorority girl) and of course Simon hated it calling it second rate Whitney. As good as Whitney is, being a second rate is a huge compliment. Being a second rate music producer <AHEM>… now that’s something to be ashamed of.

Kady

The personality minus Barbie once ruined her performance in her high school talent show as well as the audio equipment… fascinating. Too bad she couldn’t have pulled the audio plug before her performance tonight. Her lackluster cover of Queen’s “Forever” from the movie Highlander left me thinking that she will be the only one…. buying a bus ticket back to Houston.

Amanda

I don’t know how she did it, but Amanda burnt down her pool. Was if filled with lighter fluid or something? Thankfully the siding on her house is not the only thing smokin’. She toned down the hair and the outfit and went back to her simple Leather Tuscadero ways on Joan Jetts’ “Hate Myself For Lovin You” She does a really great job. But at this point, I think she feel so “fish out of water” with this pop show, that anything she does is just a little off. You gotta wonder if she is just hatin’ on the “Idol Machine.”

Carly

This girl’s world revolves around either a tattoo shop or a pub. Her little known fact was that she owned a tat shop with her tatted up hubbie. Her second job is at an Irish Pub and now her most embarrassing moment is getting her leg stuck in railing at a bar and the greasing it up to get it out. I almost think she’s on the wrong reality show. I think Bravo should be casting her for LA Ink. They could spin her off and call it “Blarney Ink.” Of course, Bravo will have to wait. After her cover of “I Drove All Night” by Cyndi Lauper, she’ll be hanging around the Idol lot for a few more weeks.

Kristy Lee

Her most embarrassing moment is that as a kid she used to pretend she was a dog and bark at people. Oh and she let pet RATS ride around on her back. Ok I am seriously starting to question this “Girl Next Door” thing she does. I would seriously consider moving out of that neighborhood. She attempts to win Randy’s love with a cover of Journey’s “Faithfully” and Simon’s by putting a country spin on it like he told her to last week. Thankfully, the producers put her on a mike stand to limit the number of lunges she could do during her performance this week. Overall, I don’t think she’s as good as she thinks she is. You would think the TWO (count them…. ONE…TWO) labels that dropped her would have given her the same idea.

Ramiele

In 5th grade, she left her picture for a boy she liked at his house. I guess it’s not stalking when you’re 11. Anyway when he found the picture, he and his mom laughed at it. Well, who’s laughing now. She sings Phil Collins’ “Against All Odds” and powers through it. I am still amazed that big voice can come out of something that tiny. I think Paula is too. She rambles on about more vocal colors and textures and loving mutts. Well I have to believe she’s amazed… it’s that or she’s off her meds again.

Brooke

She once grabbed the wrong guy after church. Not like in a sicko way. She just thought it was her dad. She takes “Love is a Battlefield” by Pat Benatar to a smokey Lower East Side acoustic place and it’s frickin’ awesome. She keeps evolving every week musically and stylishly. The camera is liking her more every week.

Syesha

In 2nd grade, she wrote a love note to a boy and gave him a piece of gum. The loser ate the gum and told the teacher on her. Bastard. Oh well, she’s better off. He’s probably kicking himself now anyway. She’s frickin’ hot! She’s also hot vocally on “Savin’ All My Love” by Whitney. Syesha, girl, I think it’s safe to say that kid can stick that gum, well, you know where and blow some major bubbles.

Well I think the 2 pretty little blondes will be packing it up this week. Kady and Kristy should be gone. Neither one have really stood out as great singers or great personalities. For the most part, they’ve been interchangeable blonde eyec andy and personally, I’m getting a serious cavity.

Tune in tomorrow night as the axe falls and the TOP 12 are given passage to the big show!

Peace, Love and They Just Wanna, They Just Wanna,
Kristi

It’s 80’s weeks and the last chance for the Idol kids to make it to the big show… the Top 12. Like always the guys are up first to us down to Funkytown. As a special bonus, we get the guys most embarrassing moments.

Luke

His sister once dressed him up like a ballerina and took pictures. He was like 8 so there wasn’t too much traumatic damage. Although enough for him to think a Wham song was a good song choice. He falsetto’ed his way through “Wake Me Up” but George Michael he ain’t. Simon called it girlie.. which is just ironic since Cowell is the biggest sissy in heals this side of Le Cage.

David A

The adorable little phenom once forgot his lyrics during a concert and his Mom hopped up on stage and had to finish the song. Now THAT is a stage mom. I’m sensing a pattern with this kid. He’s all socially conscious and crap. Last week it was “Imagine,” this week it’s Phil Collins “Another Day in Paradise” and on the piano no less. Dude, wait until you have some fame before you start throwing it around to “gain awareness” for stuff. Just focus on the teeniebopper drones you need to vote for you each week and sing us a upbeat ditty, will ya, Sweetcheeks?

Danny

OMG, IDK how could our resident punk pixie have survived? He actually tripped up the stairs at the movies in front of his crush! ONHD! TMTH… ABCDEFG….. XYZ…. WTF!?!? Text talk people… very 21st century… get a text plan and a teenager that can show you how to use it. Danny found the perfect 80’s song for him in “Tainted Love” The song even worked for the the pouty pixie’s plastic members only jacket.

David H

David once completed an entire photo shoot with a big booger in his nose. Guess the budget did have enough for proof-shots. He goes chick song on us and breaks out the Celine Dion 90’s cover of the Pandora’s Box song “It’s All Coming Back To Me Now.”

Michael

The Aussie was a Kangaroo Mascot in Australia and got his ass kicked but a bunch of rugby hooligans. Man do I wish I could have seen that! He does a decent cover of Simple Minds “Don’t You Forget About Me” but I don’t want to talk about the song this week. I would like to gripe about the blatant thievery on stage. Last week, Bono’s very essence was ripped from his be-goggled soul… the week before, he raised Jim Morrison from the dead. This week it was Michael Stipe… the guy steals everyone else’s stage moves!! Does the guy have his OWN stage persona or does he just have to keep ripping off the greats? If he pulls out the prancing Mic Jagger next week, I’m going ballistic.

David C

The resident rocker with the receding hairline sang “Sandman” in a talent competition as a kid and forgot the words. When he started playing the melody of “Hello” by Lionel Richie, I thought he lost his mind. But then… then he started banging on the guitar and rockin’ it out… and the song actually didn’t sound as p_ssy as it usually does on the lite FM stations.

Jason

The big blue eyed hacky sacker’s dreds once fell off in his hand while on a date. It’ just adds to his hippie street cred and makes him cuter to all the granola girls out there. Tree hugger chicks still dig him. He breaks into an innocent and unassuming rendition of the Leonard Cohen classic (made famous by Jeff Buckley) “Hallelujah.” But most Idol fans probably know it from Shrek… but I think a lot more will remember Jason’s version tonight.

Chikezie

He is most embarrassed about using the women’s bathroom in high school… not because he was a perv… just because he never read the sign on the door. He goes for the smooth 80’s gold soul with “All the Woman I Need.” He’s a smooth balladeer who personally I thinks looks like the kind of guy you just want to hang with. Hopefully he’ll hang around another week.

OK so which two guys aren’t heading to the Love Shack and the Kodak Theater with the rest of the Idol posse? I think Luke is definitely go-going after that Wham song. I think the Dawson’s Creek forehead, Luke Perry hairline, Orlando Bloom eye thing is wearing thin. Unfortunately, Danny Noriega is VoteForTheWorst’s poster-child and, because of that, we have to suffer through the “Sanjaya Effect.” Which means, although he probable should, Danny won’t go home and that leaves Chikezie to take the hit. I hope I’m wrong and America wakes up but heck, it took us weeks to get rid of Sanjaya last year.

Anyhoo, the girls are up tomorrow!

Peace, Love and Tin Roof Rusty!
Kristi