Greetings Idol Fans!

Our Idol kids keep dwindling in numbers and here we are at the final 4.  Who knew crushing peoples dreams would be so dang fun!?!?

We start the show, of course, with the group number “Bringing In The Eaves.” OK, so I don’t know what eaves are, but I know this is so lame. 4 people don’t make for a really super engaging ensemble. Let’s face it, The Spice Girls (post Ginger) they ain’t.

Ryan does his boring recap that fills up about 5 minutes.  Honestly, they should just read IdolBlather on air. 

On to the Results.

David Archuleta
You again broke out the pleather members only jacket for this momentous occasion. Maybe some day you can afford the real leather one… you’re safe.

Filler time! Idol sent the kids to Vegas for a little fun and lots of promotional appearances. They got a private plane and a fan fair as they went to see Cirque du Soleil. All you need is love… and some really good sponsors.

David Cook
I wonder just how much effort goes into looking that dirty. I have another week to ponder, you’re safe.

So we’re left with Jason Castro & Syesha Mercado.  But hey we have another like 40 minutes of show to fill, so lets extend their suffering.

Dang!  They sneak it in on me every week!!  Just when I’ve gotten past the first commercial break and I’ve just about forgotten, there it is.  That Ford commercial.  This week the Idolettes are Matadors in a creepy “Ring Of Fire” cover.  I’m sorry but there is no frickin’ way 20 something Idols should be singing Johnny Cash to a bunch of 14 year olds.  The cosmos is seriously unaligned right now.

Well he couldn’t keep a record contract, but Taylor Hicks gets his own postal stamp.  I suppose having your face stuck on a thousand cable bills and birthday cards is almost as good as selling millions of albums.  <AHEM>

Time wasting Q&A. David Cook gets a date in Pittsburgh. Jason has to overcome a dead brain, Syesha gets reminded that she’s the only girl, Simon wants to get knighted and be the next James Bond. Riveting…. really…
The special guest Maroon 5 takes the stage. That guy’s voice is so high, I swear he’s still waiting for the left one to drop. Maybe the pants are too tight and contorting his junk in weird ways.

Bo Bice is back to sing a new song that I think is called “Witness” (he says it like 37,ooo times.) About half way through I realized that I was having a conversation over it which means it was less than engaging.  It’s only when he broke out the talk box when I snapped out of my indifference with a emphatic…. What the *&#$!!!???!  Does Peter Frampton know this dude stole his shtick?” I know he’s being all true to himself, but the whole southern rock thing is so 30 years ago.

Thankfully, I think we are officially out of filler materials so we’re on to the final results.

Syesha and Jason are back center stage. Ryan rambles through their recaps from last night. The kids ramble a bit and Ryan lets the Idol Axe fall. And Jason is leaving us tonight! Oh thank the Idol gods!

So long Jason!  Your big blue eyes and ratty hair have run it’s course on this Idol stage.  But worry not, our idiot toker friend.  For if this music thing doesn’t work out for you, you can always get a job as a brushless carwash.  Besides, who knows!  Hackie Sacks may become an extreme sport in the Olympics.

Peace, Love & A Really Good Conditioner,

Kristi

Greetings Idol Fans!

After a week long hiatus (yes I know you missed me my Idol darlings) I’m back with vengence and a couple of snide comments!!   It’s down to the top 4 people, this is the big time now!

On to the show!

David Cook

First Song:  Out of all the rock and roll hits in all the world, DC chooses “Hungry Like The Wolf” by Duran Duran.  Now I’m all for a little Simon Lebone, but seriously?  It’s the least original I’ve ever heard him.  I do have a bigger problem with the balding one this week.  Some little girl screamed at the top of her lungs “I Love You David” and the best he coudl do was to look down his nose and smirk?

Second Song:  So when they said he was singing “Baba O’Reily by the Who, I think, “Awesome, the dude is going to rock it.”  So I wait for the intro… starts slow, so I wait for more… huh, still sort of dull.  The middle must be going to blow the roof off… so I wait… yeah, no, not so much.  I don’t understand, how could a self proclaimed rocker, just leave a classic by the Who just sort of hanging there?   Ah well, I don’t think CSI:Miami will be calling him anytime soon for a guest appearance.

Syesha Mercado

First Song: So as the only female left in this circus, she really has to bring something.  Unfortunately she decides to cover the Tina Turner classic”Proud Mary.”  So she starts out pretty strong on the intro, but…. wait… oh god she did it…. she did the Tina swim!  Proud Mary please help us, she did the Tina swim.

Second Song: She took the stage looking like a tall creamcicle with some serious boobage for “Change Is Gonna Come” by Sam Cook.  She’s got a big big voice, and tonight she showed it.  I will forgive her for the Tina Swim move earlier.

Jason Castro

First Song:  Thankfully for the dreded one, Bob Marley had a major hit with”I Shot The Sheriff.”  Oh please some one shoot me.  This is terrible.  Pronounciation question… what exactly is a Cher-Raff? Because that’s what this toker dude was singing.  I mean I know what a SHERIFF is, but never heard of a CHERAFF.  Oh well, obviously Jason doesn’t know what a sheriff or a good performance is.  Man that was a bigger mess than his hair.

Second Song:  Just when I didn’t think he could get any worse, he does. He butchers the Bob Dylan classic, “Mr Tamborine Man.”  He forgot the friggin’ words!?!?!  We’re in the final days of the show and he forgets his words??  Children… this is Jason… this is Jason on drugs… don’t be Jason.

David Archuletta

First Song: The little elf chose “Stand By Me” for his first performance.  Of course he did.  I wish someone would actually step ON him.  The kid is killing me with his white boy attempt at soul.  He even through a little Sean King “Beautiful Girls” in there for good measure. The judges were obviously reminded to praise the peas and carrots out of him because Randy and Paula really laid the compliments on thicker than Simon’s chest hair.  I’m starting a new movement.  I’m calling it Vote For Anyone But Archuletta!

Second Song:  So he decided to capitalize on the hormonal swoonings of all the pre-pubescent girls in the audience and sing yet another slow song, “Love Me Tender” by Elvis Presley.  I have to hand it to the little tyke and the producers… they really know how to smear it on.

And that, Idol Fans, is our Top 4. Only 2 weeks left before we name our new American Idol.  So who will it be?

Tune in tomorrow night to find out!

Peace, Love & Fame,

Kristi