Greetings Idol Fans!

This is it… the last stop before the finale and the crushing of the dreams of yet another. But first we have some business to take care of…

Yep, it’s the ensemble number… which I guess is just a trio at this point. They do their cabaret best on “Ain’t No Stopping Us Now.” Unfortunately for one of them… the 56 Million votes from last night will be stopping them later tonight.

Ooooo, they almost had me. They stuck it in right after the ensemble to confuse me. Thankfully this is the next to last Ford Commercial I’ll have to comment on this season. The kids do a homage to MTV “Cribs” with their cover of “Heaven.” I just want to know what crackhead at Ford considers it “making it” by having a fleet of Ford Fusions. Man, if it ain’t good enough for 50 Cent, it ain’t good enough for me!

Roll the recap reel, Ryan!

Former Idol star Fantasia takes the stage to scream her new song “Bore Me.” OK tell me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t Grace Jones like 25 years ago? She gospel shuffled her way across the stage screaming a few lines of lyrics throwing in a booty thrust for good measure. Her performance was certainly interesting. I think Simon’s face said it all. We’ve just been the victim of a drive-by Ronald McDonald drag queen!

So we begin the process…

David Archuleta
When your hometown trip reel began, I thought you were the biggest Gomer in Utah. But then… when you cried at your own appearance…you really convinced me of it. I just have one questions, what’s up with your Mayor’s mustach? Anyhoo, who knows why people voted for a Mayor with that facial hair, but we do know why people voted for you (even it is against my better judgement)

Syesha Mercado
You Sarasota Sex Kitten, you cried at your appearance too. But it’s cool, you’re a girl and not a garden gnome. You were so popular in your hometown, you got the Mayor to do a handstand. But have you done enough to send American head over heels for you?

David Cook
Evidently your home town of Kansas City, MO is Hooked on Cook. But then again, who isn’t? There must be something in the water at Idol, because even our tough rocker dude teared up at his homecoming. I guess filling a stadium with fans would make anyone misty. Did you do enough to cry more tears of joy tonight?

After the break, we have just enough time to announce our Idol Finalists and for someone’s swansong. And as predicted, the pretty swan singing farewell tonight is Syesha.

Good luck our sassy Girl Fro’d cutie. Alas, your time on Idol has come to an end. Your beauty and gregarious ways were matched by none. So stand proud, young girl, for you made it through your awkward first weeks to rank #3 this season. A feat only duplicated by, uh, well someone every season.

Next week, the finals!!!!

Peace, Love & A New Idol Single,

Kristi

Greetings Idol Fans!

There’s only a week until we name our new American Idol and there’s a lot on the line for our Idol hopefuls. Tonight is where we pick our Top 2 and separate the men from the girl going home. Oh like you don’t think that’s going to happen too! Anyhoo, on to the show! The kids get 3 songs tonight so it’s on tonight.

Fashion Fix — Paula looks like a mutant superhero from a sequin factory.

David Archuleta
Judges Choice: Paula - “And So It Goes” by Billy Joel
Ooooo, he broke out the leather Members Only jacket for this special occasion. He made it sound like something from an animated movie soundtrack but one that makes you really really sleepy.

Idol Choice: “With You” by Chris Brown
I wish someone would tell this kid that he is a white boy from the Utah and not an R&B ingenue from the streets. He must be having an identity crisis. You know if all anyone tells you is that you’re brillant and amazing, you probably begin to believe it even if you’re sooo unassuming.

Producers Choice: “Longer” by Dan Fogleberg
Uh, can I just hurl now, or do I have to wait until the end of the song? He is so nasally that if the kid got sinusitis it would basically ruin his career.

Syesha Mercado
Judges Choice: “If I Ain’t Got You” by Alicia Keys
She looked like a Dream Girl but I think her dress was a bit dreamier than her performance. She did well but it was predictable.

Idol Choice: “Fever” by Peggy Lee
You know, I think our little starlet is getting a bit of an ego. I think she’s trying to be all sultry and sexy, but I just felt like I was watching a “Broadway Lite” audition.

Producers Choice: “Hit Me Up” by Rihanna
It was fun little ditty from the movie “Happy Feet” but I don’t think Syesha will be very happy with the performance. She tried, but ended up sounding like a time filler performer on the Nick Kids Choices Awards.

David Cook
Judges Choice: “First Time Ever I Saw You Face” by Roberta Flack
OK, so I was sure Simon was trying to set our balding rocker up for failure. But Holy Hair Volumizer! The dude rocked the Lite FM right off of it! This guy could sing a fart and make it sound good.

Idol Choice: “Dare You To Move” by Switchfoot
It’s a great song but I don’t think it made me move that much. I expected better.

Producers Choice: “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” by Aerosmith
OMG, I think I might need to hurl for the second time tonight. I hate this song! I think David does too. I think the Idol Producers tried to set him up too. Ha ha to them. He rocked it again.

So that is our Top 3. So who will be in the finals and face the final Ford commercial and who faces elimination? Although I have to wonder which fate is worse. Tune in tomorrow night to find out!

Peace, Love & Song Choice,

Kristi