Greetings Idol Fans!

We are back for our second night of songs from the decade that gave us spandex, Jelly Bracelets, Miami Vice and the designer series Trapper Keepers. Dude, who needs a CrackBerry when you can have all your personal effects in a 11 x 12″ portable plastic filing system? Totally Tubular.

Anyhoo, on with the show!

Asia’h

She once was an extra in a movie for a roller skating scene and fell on her ass. She took on “I Wanna Dance With Someone” by Whitney and not once did her raspy-voiced little buttcheeks hit the floor. Randy and Paula loved it (Paula was dancing around like a drunken sorority girl) and of course Simon hated it calling it second rate Whitney. As good as Whitney is, being a second rate is a huge compliment. Being a second rate music producer <AHEM>… now that’s something to be ashamed of.

Kady

The personality minus Barbie once ruined her performance in her high school talent show as well as the audio equipment… fascinating. Too bad she couldn’t have pulled the audio plug before her performance tonight. Her lackluster cover of Queen’s “Forever” from the movie Highlander left me thinking that she will be the only one…. buying a bus ticket back to Houston.

Amanda

I don’t know how she did it, but Amanda burnt down her pool. Was if filled with lighter fluid or something? Thankfully the siding on her house is not the only thing smokin’. She toned down the hair and the outfit and went back to her simple Leather Tuscadero ways on Joan Jetts’ “Hate Myself For Lovin You” She does a really great job. But at this point, I think she feel so “fish out of water” with this pop show, that anything she does is just a little off. You gotta wonder if she is just hatin’ on the “Idol Machine.”

Carly

This girl’s world revolves around either a tattoo shop or a pub. Her little known fact was that she owned a tat shop with her tatted up hubbie. Her second job is at an Irish Pub and now her most embarrassing moment is getting her leg stuck in railing at a bar and the greasing it up to get it out. I almost think she’s on the wrong reality show. I think Bravo should be casting her for LA Ink. They could spin her off and call it “Blarney Ink.” Of course, Bravo will have to wait. After her cover of “I Drove All Night” by Cyndi Lauper, she’ll be hanging around the Idol lot for a few more weeks.

Kristy Lee

Her most embarrassing moment is that as a kid she used to pretend she was a dog and bark at people. Oh and she let pet RATS ride around on her back. Ok I am seriously starting to question this “Girl Next Door” thing she does. I would seriously consider moving out of that neighborhood. She attempts to win Randy’s love with a cover of Journey’s “Faithfully” and Simon’s by putting a country spin on it like he told her to last week. Thankfully, the producers put her on a mike stand to limit the number of lunges she could do during her performance this week. Overall, I don’t think she’s as good as she thinks she is. You would think the TWO (count them…. ONE…TWO) labels that dropped her would have given her the same idea.

Ramiele

In 5th grade, she left her picture for a boy she liked at his house. I guess it’s not stalking when you’re 11. Anyway when he found the picture, he and his mom laughed at it. Well, who’s laughing now. She sings Phil Collins’ “Against All Odds” and powers through it. I am still amazed that big voice can come out of something that tiny. I think Paula is too. She rambles on about more vocal colors and textures and loving mutts. Well I have to believe she’s amazed… it’s that or she’s off her meds again.

Brooke

She once grabbed the wrong guy after church. Not like in a sicko way. She just thought it was her dad. She takes “Love is a Battlefield” by Pat Benatar to a smokey Lower East Side acoustic place and it’s frickin’ awesome. She keeps evolving every week musically and stylishly. The camera is liking her more every week.

Syesha

In 2nd grade, she wrote a love note to a boy and gave him a piece of gum. The loser ate the gum and told the teacher on her. Bastard. Oh well, she’s better off. He’s probably kicking himself now anyway. She’s frickin’ hot! She’s also hot vocally on “Savin’ All My Love” by Whitney. Syesha, girl, I think it’s safe to say that kid can stick that gum, well, you know where and blow some major bubbles.

Well I think the 2 pretty little blondes will be packing it up this week. Kady and Kristy should be gone. Neither one have really stood out as great singers or great personalities. For the most part, they’ve been interchangeable blonde eyec andy and personally, I’m getting a serious cavity.

Tune in tomorrow night as the axe falls and the TOP 12 are given passage to the big show!

Peace, Love and They Just Wanna, They Just Wanna,
Kristi

It’s 80’s weeks and the last chance for the Idol kids to make it to the big show… the Top 12. Like always the guys are up first to us down to Funkytown. As a special bonus, we get the guys most embarrassing moments.

Luke

His sister once dressed him up like a ballerina and took pictures. He was like 8 so there wasn’t too much traumatic damage. Although enough for him to think a Wham song was a good song choice. He falsetto’ed his way through “Wake Me Up” but George Michael he ain’t. Simon called it girlie.. which is just ironic since Cowell is the biggest sissy in heals this side of Le Cage.

David A

The adorable little phenom once forgot his lyrics during a concert and his Mom hopped up on stage and had to finish the song. Now THAT is a stage mom. I’m sensing a pattern with this kid. He’s all socially conscious and crap. Last week it was “Imagine,” this week it’s Phil Collins “Another Day in Paradise” and on the piano no less. Dude, wait until you have some fame before you start throwing it around to “gain awareness” for stuff. Just focus on the teeniebopper drones you need to vote for you each week and sing us a upbeat ditty, will ya, Sweetcheeks?

Danny

OMG, IDK how could our resident punk pixie have survived? He actually tripped up the stairs at the movies in front of his crush! ONHD! TMTH… ABCDEFG….. XYZ…. WTF!?!? Text talk people… very 21st century… get a text plan and a teenager that can show you how to use it. Danny found the perfect 80’s song for him in “Tainted Love” The song even worked for the the pouty pixie’s plastic members only jacket.

David H

David once completed an entire photo shoot with a big booger in his nose. Guess the budget did have enough for proof-shots. He goes chick song on us and breaks out the Celine Dion 90’s cover of the Pandora’s Box song “It’s All Coming Back To Me Now.”

Michael

The Aussie was a Kangaroo Mascot in Australia and got his ass kicked but a bunch of rugby hooligans. Man do I wish I could have seen that! He does a decent cover of Simple Minds “Don’t You Forget About Me” but I don’t want to talk about the song this week. I would like to gripe about the blatant thievery on stage. Last week, Bono’s very essence was ripped from his be-goggled soul… the week before, he raised Jim Morrison from the dead. This week it was Michael Stipe… the guy steals everyone else’s stage moves!! Does the guy have his OWN stage persona or does he just have to keep ripping off the greats? If he pulls out the prancing Mic Jagger next week, I’m going ballistic.

David C

The resident rocker with the receding hairline sang “Sandman” in a talent competition as a kid and forgot the words. When he started playing the melody of “Hello” by Lionel Richie, I thought he lost his mind. But then… then he started banging on the guitar and rockin’ it out… and the song actually didn’t sound as p_ssy as it usually does on the lite FM stations.

Jason

The big blue eyed hacky sacker’s dreds once fell off in his hand while on a date. It’ just adds to his hippie street cred and makes him cuter to all the granola girls out there. Tree hugger chicks still dig him. He breaks into an innocent and unassuming rendition of the Leonard Cohen classic (made famous by Jeff Buckley) “Hallelujah.” But most Idol fans probably know it from Shrek… but I think a lot more will remember Jason’s version tonight.

Chikezie

He is most embarrassed about using the women’s bathroom in high school… not because he was a perv… just because he never read the sign on the door. He goes for the smooth 80’s gold soul with “All the Woman I Need.” He’s a smooth balladeer who personally I thinks looks like the kind of guy you just want to hang with. Hopefully he’ll hang around another week.

OK so which two guys aren’t heading to the Love Shack and the Kodak Theater with the rest of the Idol posse? I think Luke is definitely go-going after that Wham song. I think the Dawson’s Creek forehead, Luke Perry hairline, Orlando Bloom eye thing is wearing thin. Unfortunately, Danny Noriega is VoteForTheWorst’s poster-child and, because of that, we have to suffer through the “Sanjaya Effect.” Which means, although he probable should, Danny won’t go home and that leaves Chikezie to take the hit. I hope I’m wrong and America wakes up but heck, it took us weeks to get rid of Sanjaya last year.

Anyhoo, the girls are up tomorrow!

Peace, Love and Tin Roof Rusty!
Kristi

Ryan starts the show with some riveting conversation with the judges. And by riveting I really mean comatose. Ryan makes fun of the weird TV antenna hand gesture Simon does. Everyone gets a chuckle and a shot from a defibrillator just to wake them back up.

Oh goodie…it’s Idol ensemble time!! OK I think even the producers knew how bad it was going to be. I think they actually kept forgetting to turn the mikes on when the little darlings had their one stanza solos. And to top it off then even cut them off early at the end of the song. Hilarious.

One of the guys will be the first to go tonight. Ryan goes through the rewind reel. Of course you don’t need it, because you read my blog. Anyway, lights are dimmed and Ryan makes the back row of Jason Y, Danny, Chikezie, Jason C and Michael stand up. My spidey-senses tell me the first guy at the end of the row near the steps is there for a reason. So Ryan pardons Michael, Chikezie and Jason and leaves Danny and Jason Y near the stairs to hear their fates. Sure enough the skunked striped Jason is the next to be cast back in anonymity.

After the break, the girls are sitting pretty on the couch. Ryan again goes through the rewind reel. And of course, again, you don’t need it, because you read my blog. Ryan pulls the same back row schtick with Kristy, Amanda, Alexandrea, Brooke and Asia’h. Kristy, Asia’h and Brooke are safe…uh DUH. So the 2 girls that I called to go are left standing, which means that I’m only going to be 1 for 2 on the girls tonight… dang it. Anyhoo, Alexandrea is the next to leave us. See, no one ever likes a Chicago song.

The girls are still on the couch, and it’s the front row’s turn at the guillotine. One by one, Carly, Remiele and Syesha are safe. This leaves Romy and Michele, er, I mean, Alaina and Kady to face the music. OMG I didn’t realize how interchangeable they were! Right down to the codfish personalities. Well American made up their mind and picked Alaina to go home. She bawls on national television, visibly shocked that for the first time in her life, she didn’t get what she wanted just by looking cute. Boo Hoo.  Her stage mom looked really miffed too.  I love it.

Idol News….. <insert typewriter sound here> Big news people!! Because the Top 12 will be the best Top 12 ever (because Ryan says so) on March 11, American Idol will reveal a brand new stage, new opening graphics and a new exit song by Idol’s own Reuben Studdard. Oh and Idol Gives Back is back on 4/9. It raised $79 million last year. Props to Idol for actually doing some good with it’s sensationalism. But it gets better. After 6 years of begging, Idol producers finally have the rights to the Beatles songbook. I find that a bit scary… do I really need to hear Danny Noriega butcher “Can’t Buy Me Love?”

OK, we’re running out of time people! We have no time for drawn-out pseudo anticipation! We need Luke and Robbie center-stage! Wham, Robbie’s going home. Guess other people in America never really believed the whole rocker thing either.

So that’s it people. Obscurity is a dish best served in plates of 4 and tonight we passed out 4 heaping steaming piles of it.

Next week 4 more go!

Peace, Love & Good Song Choice,
Kristi

Shake your groove thing people, it’s 70’s night for the ladies. Yep, it’s one more night of the polyester decade. We’ll do our best to stay away from the Disco, just in case they whip out “Disco Night” later in the competition. And lets face it… the longer we hold out for funkytown music in the season, the kookier and drunker Paula will dance.

Carly Smithson likes her tats, putting little shamrocks in the foam in her Guinness at her Irish pub job, and being Suzy Homemaker. She could also be a long lost sister of Nancy and Ann Wilson. She belts out the Heart song “Crazy on You” and proves what it means to be a professional amateur. Hey I’m just glad she finally got rid of that frickin’ yellow eyeshadow.

Syesha Mercado likes her acting career and her baby cry impersonation. So that’s good, if this whole music thing doesn’t work out, she’s got a career as a diaper voiceover. She attempts to be sultry on “Me and Mrs, er Mr. Jones.” The original song implies something steamy and exciting but her version wasn’t very steamy… just sort of damp.

Brooke White likes to do hair. In fact, she used to be in Beauty School. Which is ironically perfect since her reel leads in to her cover of Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain.” She was folky, funky, and every week coming more and more out of her shell. No Frankie Avalon “Beauty School Drop Out” needed here.

Remiele Malubay likes to hula and shake her Polynesian groove thang. She does on her cover of Evelyn Champagne King’s “Don’t Leave Me This Way.” Unfortunately, this just come across as a 2AM karaoke round. I don’t think anyone will be leaving this little Rock-a-Hula Baby anytime soon but she needs to step it up next week.

Kristy Lee Cook likes being a tomboy and willingly shows herself in a full-on camo jumpsuit. Ok, there’s s difference between All American and All American Uni-bomber. Anyway, she squat-rocks her way through “You’re No Good” by Linda Ronstadt. Unfortunately, I don’t think she’s as good as she thinks she is.

Amanda Overmyer likes to read. She a kooky mix of juxtapositions, no? Rocker that read, Nurse that rides a Harley. Ain’t America grand!?!? I do not know what is up with her look tonight. Her hair looks like a cross between Rogue from X-Men and Lion-O from Thundercats. She looks very uncomfortable as she takes the stage with the Kansas hit “Carry On My Wayward Son.” Unfortunately, the song is even more all over the place then her look.

Alaina Whitaker doesn’t like her food to touch on her plates. Yet another riveting facet to her 2 dimensional personality. Sporting her best Carrie Underwood look-a-like hair, make-up and outfit she yells her best rendition of “Hopelessly Devoted” by Olivia Newton John. Unfortunately she forgot one important piece to her Carrie ensemb’… talent.

Alexandrea Lushington loves her local fire department. We all should. Firefighters are awesome. Mad props to America’s bravest. ALush covers Chicago’s “If You Leave Me Now” with a palpable awkardness. It’s almost as if the song was handed to her to sing. I’m sorry, is she competing on a national singing show or getting ready to hike through Yellowstone? The whole outfit screamed LL Bean Spring/Summer Catalog.

Kady Malloy likes to sing Britney, Cher and… opera? She’s a Soprano… and not the HBO kind. Notfanuttin, She covers Heart’s “Magic Man” but it sort of get stuck in her throat. I think the notes got caught in there with her personality. Someone needs to make sure this girl has a pulse.

Asia’h Epperson likes her pompoms. No not those pom-poms. She actually like to cheer. I bet she actually has used the term “Cheerocracy.” Ok so I figured it would come out somewhere, but I called it on guys night… “All By Myself” by Eric Carmen. Yep, it’s here but better yet.. it’s the Celine Dion version. But Asia’h gives it all she’s got and pulls out a performance worth of a Rah-Rah-Rah.

I think we’ll see Amanda and Alexandrea swansongs tomorrow night, but Alaina or Kady may see themselves the recipients of low vote counts.

Well that’s another decade and another week of performance down. We got rockafied, funkafied, folkafied and thankfully we made with through, eardrums intact.

Tune in to see who goes home tomorrow night!!

Peace, Love & AM Gold,
Kristi

It’s Axe Time People!! Woo Hoo. Finally the chance to see all our speed dial training put to good use. I have to say, I’m very excited.

But first a cheesy reel that looks like a promo for Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill, The Hills, Laguna Beach, blah blah blah. Is this a singing show or MTV teen crap?

Wait… OMG… could it be… I see Idols lining up… I hear an intro… I think it is… IT IS! IT IS!! It’s the first ensemble performance of the season!!! And Oh My God, is it terrible. Seriously it was like a clip from “When Six Flags Performances Attack.”

After the 4 minute commercial break to recover from the group performance, the guys are up first on the chopping block. We do the necessary rewind of the show highlights (although if Ryan read my blog, he wouldn’t need the reel)

Ryan makes it seem random, and calls Garrett Haley up on stage with him. He asks him a couple of questions and then WHAM!!! Axe falls. Garrett is leaving. He’s sings his song again. That was quick. No time for nice. There are commercials to be aired.

After the break it’s the ladies turn. Ryan chats with sweet little Kristy Lee Cook, but she can rest her sweet head, she’s safe. It’s Amy Davis who takes the first one for the girls. She performs her song again and proves why she’s going home.

Well, we’ve smashed the dreams of two young hopefuls so now is the perfect time to inflate the ego’s of a couple of old timers. It’s the debut of feature Randy. It’s got a beat, I can dance to it, I give it a 9. Well, I give the 10 synthesizers her vocals been filtered through a 9.

Amanda and Joanne are called to center-stage. Ryan says everyone on the couch is safe. We have to wait for the break to find out Joanne Borgella is the second lady leaving us tonight

One of the guys will be the last leaving the gang. Ryan calls Chicezie and Colton to center-stage. Ryan slips in an age dig at Simon before telling Colton that he’s the final Idol going home tonight.

So that’s week 1 and we’re down to 20. I’ve gotta throw props to the first 4 to go. That’s the toughest place to be. To get through all the crowds, fight the hundreds for attention during Hollywood week, make it up and down the elevator in one piece just to come back for one week before having your hopes dashed. The only consolation we can offer you, sweet Garrett, pretty Amy, stunning Joanne, bashful Colton… is that obscurity will come swift, painless and easy. Last one out, shut the lights off when you go.

Peace, Love and Video Debuts,
Kristi

We made it! After hours and hours of delusional auditions, Coke product placements and trailers for “Jumper,” the Auditions are finally over. It’s Top 24, and time for you and I to control the fates of 24 Idol hopefuls. Over the next 3 weeks, we get to decide which 12 dreams are one step closer to realization and which 6 guys and 6 girls dreams are over. It’s good to be the judge.

Seacrest Fashion Fix: I don’t know about you, but GEE do I miss Ryan’s Highlights. Boring brown just doesn’t cut it. Beside, I don’t have anything to make fun of.

Speaking of Ryan, he AGAIN, reminds us this is the Best Talent Ever. I guess they just want us to realize that there’s no chance of a Sanjaya incident this year.

Tonight it’s guys up first with 60’s night. What a great choice. This is the first night these kids are going to be live on TV and you make them sing songs that were recorded at least 25 years before they were even born!?!?!!?

Apple finally got their hands on the Idol machine, you can download tonights performances on iTunes for 99 cents a pop.

David Hernandez

Gives us a sappy story about being raised by a single parent, and how singing is his escape. He starts the show with “Midnight Hour.” He had me at first with the slow and gospelly opening but then lost me when he jazzed it up.

Chikezie

In preparation for anticipated stardom, he dropped his last name. Looking like a dapper 70’s velveteen pumpkin pimp, he croons away on ” I Love You More.” He seems nervous at first, but works out the kinks. Simon calls him Jacuzzi which I think is hilarious.

David Cook

The dude got a really bad hair cut, but it’s all to hide a really bad receding hairline. He starts “Happy Together” out kind of creepy and stalker-ish, but by the end he screams his way to a decent rock version.

Jason Yeager

Is it me or is he the victim of a drive by dye job on his bangs? What’s with the one blonde piece? Anyhoo, he chooses a slow song… “Moon River.” It’s so “Performances nightly at Mohegan Sun.” Seriously, if he keeps this up, he’ll be the Idol of many a Senior Center.

Robbie Carrico

Former boy-bander who wants to leave his soul on stage for the audience to see…as long as all they see is rock star. So he goes with the Three Dog Night song “One.” He does his best Daughtry impression and Randy and Paula buy it. Simon is still not sure if there’s a Justin Timberlake lurking somewhere under all that hair and scruff.

David Archuleta

The bashful, unassuming former StarSearch contestant gives stardom another try with “Shop Around.” I feel like I’m watching a recital at a performing arts high school. The judges the love him, but I think either the producers told them to love it or they didn’t want to say anything negative to make the poor boy cry.

Danny Noriega

The little mop-topped pixie in his Old Navy skinny jeans takes on the King and “Jailhouse Rock.” Paula says he has many colors to his voice, but quite frankly, I think it’s more like if a rainbow threw up. It was a bad Chelsea Karaoke performance. But I think I said that more than a few times about Sanjaya and look how that turned out. Dang it….

Luke Menard

Carpet Cleaner who looks like a cross between Luke Perry and Orlando Bloom. He whimpers out a rendition of “Everybody’s Talkin.” Unfortunately, I think nerves got the best of him and no one will be talking about him after this week.

Colton Berry

Self-proclaimed Ellen DeGeneres look-alike. Another teenie bopper who takes on the King with “Suspicious Minds.” I don’t think he’s even old enough to know what this song is about. Does anyone know if Disney is casting for High School Musical 4 yet?

Garrett Haley

The little guy with the big 70’s hair. He’s got the art of mousse down, but someone needs to show the lad how to shave. What’s with the peach fuzz ’stache? He attempts to be soulful on Neil Sedaka’s “Breakin’ Up Is Hard To Do.” Unfortunately shaving isn’t the only grown up thing the tyke needs to learn. His performance is a little empty.

Jason Castro

The blue eyed, dread-head is the first Idol this season to bring his guitar on stage for his rendition of “Daydream.” He’s jovial, entertaining and fun. The only thing we’re missing is a hacky sack and a skate park.

Michael Johns

Aussie singer who used to be in a band until he left and stole their songs, uh so he’s a nice guy. Anyway, enough about that… (but you can see more here.) He channels the late great Jim Morrison on “Light My Fire” including cheezy flame graphic background. It’s good, it’s rockin’, it’s enough to get him through.

So I know you’re all dying to know who my picks are for who’s going home. I think Jason Yeager and Luke Menard maybe calling Continental for plane tickets home this week. I think they will both be the victims of not enough airtime during Hollywood week and pretty weak performance tonight. I could be wrong, but I’ll bet anything they’ll be in the bottom on Thursday.

Anyhoo, tomorrow night the ladies take center stage in hopes of winning your love. Tune in then!

Peace, Love and Grooviness,
Kristi

PS: Learn more about all 24 Idols here: www.americanidol.com/contestants/season7/