Greetings Idol Fans!

We’ve come to another night of everything we love best about Idol — cheezy commercials, stupid “Get To Know Me” reels with idols, Simon’s chest hair and dashing the dreams of another Idol dreamer.

Just in case any of you Blather readers are budding “Ar-teests” American Idol Songwriters challenge is back this year. There has to be someone out there that can write a better song than that slop “This Is My Now” from last season. “This is My Now and this is my covering my ears.

Hey everybody! It’s Top 10 Ensemble time! <Feign Excitement Here> The kids do their best high school musical moves on “Right Back To Where We Started From.” It reminds me of those traveling shows that used to come to my grade school. Not much value, but a great way to get out of Social Studies.

After the break, Ryan introduces a video just to pimp the whole iTunes thing again. THe video takes us on a deep and (un)interesting look at the kids recording their songs and hocking iPods, Apple computers and iPhones, oh my.

Ok so Ryan does the regular recap of the night’s performances which is by far not as funny as mine, but whatever. He then brings out each Idolette one by one to face the votes.

Chikezie - You went R&B last night but it wasn’t Vandrossy enough…you’re going to the stools.. You’re Bottom 3.

Brooke - You were the perfect dichotomy of sweet innocent folk singer girl and psycho stalker. Your legions of stalkers kept you in another week.

Carly - You have a fondness for ugly tight jeans and evidently for Spanx. America is still fond of you, you’re safe.

Time to break for the Ford Commercial! Nifty little vid for “I Want You To Want Me” I want Ford to stop wanting these damned time wasters. I’ve been watching these things for 7 years and I still don’t want a Focus.

Back to the show!

David A - If we put you in gray shorts and knee socks, you’d look like Eddie Munster. Right now, you look like someone in the Top 9.

David C - You smug, balding so-and-so. Well keep being smug, America loves you and your Chris Cornell boost.

Syesha - You blasted the rafters with “If I were Your Woman” but evidently the fans aren’t sure about you as their woman. You are Bottom 3.

Michael - Being the selfish and egotistical bastard you are, you just had to sing 2 songs in one night. Well American loved both of them, you’re safe.

After the break, it’s that damned questions from the viewers segment again. Honestly, I purposely stay away from the 15 years in the mall, why must I be subjected their prepubescent inquiries?

Kimberly Locke is up after the break. We learn a little bit about the former Idol star. Like every good singing artist she focuses her talents on a restaurant. Justin did it, Britney did it, JLo did it so obviously pop stars are great culinary talents too. Well who ever she’s got cooking for her, it’s working. She looks great and sounds amazing on her new single, “Fall” in stores (and on the IdolBlather Music Store) now.

More results!

Ramiele - You sort of look like a Bratz Doll hooker tonight but it doesn’t matter, the country still loves you.

Jason and Kristy - You’re the last two Idols to head center-stage. Jason, you did your folk singer thang and batted those 2 big baby blues. Kristy, you went all Miss Teen Patriotic American Pageant with your karaoke cover. The last in our Bottom 3 is… Jason??

WHAT!?!??!?!!!!?!? I’m sorry does that Kristy girl have a pocket full of Get Out Of Jail Free cards or just a really good agent with deep pockets? How does she avoid the Bottom 3 with THAT performance. Idol gives me no joy if I can’t utter the phrase “Kristy, you are sooooo Bottom 3!” Cripes.

So our Bottom 3 this week are, to the amazement of yours truly, Chikezie, Syesha and Jason. Ryan quickly interviews Jason about being in the Bottom 3 and then quickly cuts the dread-locked toker when he starts to ramble by sending him back to the couch safe another week.

Unfortunately, Chikezie couldn’t win the love of enough fans to stick around another week… he’s going home.

Oh dear Chikezie Eze; you dropped your last name in hopes of achieving the success of many of the one named stars out there, Cher, Madonna, Seal, Sting and Weird Al (I know that’s 2 words, but the first is an adjective and doesn’t count) Anyhoo, fear not young Eze, with your talent, and Ryan’s Man Love, you’re bound to go far in Hollywood. And if not, I’m sure there’s always room for a country/R&B brother in Branson. Cowboy Troy, move over!

Peace, Love & Adoring Fans,
Kristi

Greetings Idol Fans!

We said farewell to Amanda last week leaving her to clean out bedpans again and us with our Top 10. Yep these kids will be coming soon to an arena near you.

Tonights theme is the year they were born. What a theme.. that’s basically like saying here’s a years worth of music, 1000’s of songs, and pick one. Oooo what a challenge! <insert Eye Roll here>

Ramiele was born in 1987. Ugh, I have a “RELAX” t-shirt older than her. She sings “Alone ” by Heart. Yeah the same song Carly rocked it out on in the semis. Ramiele’s been accused of not having much stage personality. I think she’s mistaken screaming for having stage presence. She’s got a big voice, but she’s got to learn to control it.

Jason was born in 1987 too and today is his birthday. I think he has dreads older than my “RELAX” t-shirt. He does his reliable “Guy, Guitar” routine on “Fragile” by Sting which is nice, but pretty safe. We get the Venice Beach homeless thing, it’s time to move on.

Syesha rounds out the trifecta of Idolettes born in 1987. She takes on “If I Were Your Woman” made famous by Gladys Knight and remade by Stephanie Mills. Her awesome girl fro is back and so is her voice. She rocked it.

Chikezie makes me feel less old by being born in 1985. Finally, he embraces his inner Vandross on “If Only For One Night.” Unfortunately the judges weren’t embracing his performance. But I think that’s just because they had to save their love for the other brats they’re pimping out.

Brooke was born in 1983 practically with a piano in her hand. Thankfully for her mom , she wasn’t but thankfully for us, she picked it up soon after. She tries to take the stalker out of “Every Breath You Take” and is good enough to probably get a few of her own.

Michael was born in 1978 and holds the honor of being the ONLY Idol hopeful born in different decade. He does a combo of “We Will Rock You/We Are The Champions” by Queen. He’s not happy singing one song, so he has to butcher two Queen songs. The judges love it. I can only believe that Paula slipped Randy and Simon some of her happy pills and they ended up temporarily deaf.

Carly takes on the hit “Total Eclipse Of The Heart” from her birth year of 1983. She comes out in a Star Trek inspired mini dress looking a bit apprehensive. The song was OK, but then she did this weird screaming run at the end with a move that looked like she popped a squat right on stage. It was just awkward.

David A again makes me realize my fleeting youth by letting us know he was just born last decade in 1990. Somebody pass me the anti-wrinkle eye cream and the Geritol. Good Lord, he’s going all socially conscious again on “You’re The Voice” by John Farnham. The way all the tweenies are screaming I think he might be the 4th Jonas Brother.

Kristy was born in 1984. The book says its the year supposedly of Big Brother, totalitarianism and torture. Speaking of torture, she sings “God Bless The USA” By Lee Greenwood. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? Is she auditioning for the Democratic or Republican conventions this year? There is video on YouTube of her singing this song at some bad convention in a bad silver sequined pageant dress. Wanna see? Dude, I’m all “Go USA” too but this is so lame, it might border on treason.

David C, born in 1982, is the 2nd eldest of the Idol Kids. I can’t really say David covers “Billy Jean” by Michael Jackson because there’s really no resemblance to the original song. He basically goes all Emo all over Billy Jeans ass. He takes it down to an dark, gritty rock club and blows the crap out of it. I will continue to make fun of his big head and/or a receding hair line to the very end, but I have to give him props. This guy is a star.

The big talents really stepped up tonight and the talentless proved it again. My picks for Bottom 3 this week are Kristy (DUH!) Chikezie and Carly. And God willing (taking time from blessing the USA of course) Kristy will leave us tomorrow night!

Tune in tomorrow, Idol Fans when we dash the hopes of our next Idol loser!

Peace, Love & Good Song Choice,
Kristi

Greetings Idol Fans!

We’re back from last week’s crushing elimination and ready to go for this week.

Ever diligent in it’s commercial debauchery, the Idol machine is milking this Fab Four Thing as much as possible. Idol brings back the Beatles songs for another week. Oh wait it’s different this week… someone might actually sing a George Harrison or even <GASP!> a Ringo Star composition. Yeah right. It’s no surprise, really. Apple and the Beatles Apple Corp just kissed and made up earlier last year so Apple needs Idol to spread the love.

We’ll get to know the Idol kids a bit more tonight as they share their “most memorable moments” of the competition so far, which is a little stupid given that this is only week 2 of being part the big show. So my guess is most of them will say, Week 1 was the most memorable just because the point of reference isn’t that vast.

Amanda

She again rocks the Idol dome with “Back In The USSR.” You know, you really can’t understand what she’s saying when she’s singing. She sort of reminds me of that “Ma Na Ma Na” guy from the Muppets. You know, this guy. (Try to get that out of your head now….)

Anyhoo….

Kristy

Luckily she ditched the paper shredder duds and the ‘Dolly Parton on speed and a Red Bull’ country twang on “Don’t Hide Your Love Away.” She’s, at best, a county pageant singer. She doesn’t seem to have enough talent to carry a note and any expression on her face at the same time. Simon called her musical wallpaper. She tells Simon that “You know I can blow your socks off” Well I’m sure she blows, but it ain’t socks.

David A

The wee lad takes on the Beatles during their “Lite FM” phase with his cover of “The Long And Winding Road.” He remembers all his words this time and pulls it off practically flawless. However, I’m sooooo over this unassuming thing he’s doing. After every song he acts so overcome when the tweeners Idol paid in the front rows scream incessantly. He’s so unassuming that it’s become assuming.

Michael

Michael actually wore a tie this evening for his cover of “A Day In The Life.” Again, I don’t have much to say about his performance but I would like to note that he ripped off Jim Morrison’s moves again. Anyway, Paula rambles on about ear monitors and connecting with the audience The problem is… Michael’s not wearing one so what’s her reasoning now? Uh, what exactly is in Paula’s Coke Cup?

Brooke

The hippie girl everyone loves is dressed like a big happy lemon yellow sunshine and takes on “Here Comes The Sun.” It’s a bit weird, and just doesn’t seem to fit her. But coming off of last week stellar performance, it was bound to happen. I’m not sure if it was the poufy lemon chiffon dress, her sunny yellow locks or her big “Shiny Happy People” grin, but she made me really feel like I needed a couple Zoloft just to keep up my fake smile.

David C

Ok this guy is so pulling a “Daughtry” again this week. He chose “Day Tripper” as his song, but does the White Snake version of the Beatles classic so he can keep up his rocker facade. Guess I can’t knock it… it took Daughtry to a #1 selling album. Ok that’s all well and good, but Dude, did we need the Peter Frampton Talk Box solo? That has a place in the Sounds of the 70’s Time Life classics and Geico commercials, but not on Idol, man.

Carly

She takes the stage in a Carmen Miranda inspired first trimester hiding tunic with ugly rosettes all over the place. It’s a good cover of “Blackbird” sans the corny explanation of why she sang it. But like a half-slip on an old lady, her professional grooming is really showing.

Jason

The dread crowned one becomes “Le gentilhomme de Sac de Hackie” (the Hackie Sack gentleman) on “Michele” complete with French and English lyrics. Does anyone else notice that he never seems to quite finish his words? I’m not sure if it’s too much pot or if the dreads weigh him down, but he’s a bit of a lazy singer.

Syesha

Man, I didn’t even recognize her with the straight ‘do! She’s looking good with the smooth locks and the Wonder Bra induced girls. She goes all soulful on “Yesterday” and finally shows what her voice can do.

Chikezie

He takes “I’ve Just Seen a Face” into a odd R&B/country vibe and even whips out a harmonica mid song. Did he learn nothing from the Kristy Lee Cook fiasco last week? Can’t he just embrace his Luther Vandross-ness and give up on the Billy Ray Cyrus?

Ramiele

The tiny one, afraid of boring the judges for a 2nd week, covers the uptempo “I Should Have Known Better.” You would have thought she’d known better and chose a better song. She was pretty sucky until about the last 8 bars when she could belt out some big notes. You know, for such a short person, you’d think she be more in touch with her lower register.

And that’s the Top 11! My picks for “Bottom 3″ this week are Kristy, Amanda and Ramiele with Kristy take the bus ride home. So which little Idol Darling do you think will be saying “Hello Goodbye” to the Idol stage and which will be “Glad All Over” to make up the Top 10 and come to an arena near you this summer?

Tune in tomorrow night for the results!

Peace, Love and All Together Now,

Kristi

Greetings Idol Fans!

Being the omnipotent commerical whore that it is, Idol rents out about 30 seconds for a Horton skit in the intro and 2 minutes for some Jim Carey in an elephant suit antics.

OMG HERE IT COMES! They’re lining up…it’s the Top 12 Ensemble performance!! <insert Woo Hoo here> They Six Flags all over some Beatles songs. This is so lame people. I mean Paul is already going through a pretty nasty divorce and having half of his $ 1billion dollar ass handed to him, do we really need to spit in his Earl Grey? Help, I Need Somebody to end this group song.

Sanjaya’s in the audience tonight…guess they needed to bring the talent quotient down about 10 points.

After the break and the mandatory recap, Ryan draws the attention to the kids on the Idol couches awaiting their fates.

Carly, Michael, Jason and Syesha stand up on the back row and one by one he sits them down. Except Syesha. Girl you’re fabulous in your Ford commericals but tonight… you are so “Bottom 3″

(IdolBlather would like to take a moment to welcome back the infamous phrase “Bottom 3.” I am now in my 7 year of petitioning Merriam Webster to recognize it as a legitmate adjective. As in”Girl, you are so “bottom 3.” KEEP THE DREAM ALIVE!)

It wouldn’t be the Idol without it. It probably would be a better Idol without it, but alas, it keeps the show free. Yep, it’s the Ford Commercial and yep, it’s bad.

Before the results, we run a reel of the Idol kids at the “Horton Hears A Who” movie premiere. Yeah, another plug. I know there’s Seuss rhyme in there somewhere.

I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like the Idol Kid Jams. I do not like all the shameless plugs and promos and ads, those network slugs! My Idol should be fun and as for commercials, be only be a few. Instead I’m bombarded with Horton Hears A Who!

Chikezie, Amanda, Kristy and David C are next to stand. Ryan shows Chikezie some more man love and sits him down. Amanda and David are the next to the safety of another week. Kristy is not so lucky and neither are we, because we have to hear her Hee Haw on acid cover of 8 Days Of Week again. Yep, she is SOOOOOO “Bottom 3.”

After the break and a chance to recover from Grand Ole Awful, Idol tries something new to waste more primetime. Ryan takes phone questions from viewers for the Idolettes and Judges. It’s about all I could have hoped for… which is a waste of about 3 minutes of my life. I now realize why I love the fast forward button on my DVR so much.

Time for a musical interlude… starring former Idol star Katherine McPhee. She takes the stage in a dress that I can only describe as a Mariah Carey School for Call Girls uniform. Spitzer would pay good money for her, so I guess it works. She saps all over “Something In The Way She(He) Moves” with David Foster who looks like a angry drunken wedding piano player.

There’s another plug for Horton Hears a Who again, and a self indulgent moment for Jim Carey. I need to call Dr Seuss and see what rhymes with blatant self promotion.

Ryan calls David A, Brooke, David H and Ramiele to centerstage. He starts with the little guy and sends David A and then Brooke back to the couch. Davide H and Ramiele are left hanging for another 30 seconds before Ryan sends Ramiele back to the couch. David H is the first guy to be so “Bottom 3.”

After David’s song and a opportune commercial break, we send one of the losers, uh I mean contestants back to the couch and safety of another week of America’s love. Syesha can breath again, she’s safe. David and Kristy are left and Ryan hands David his walking papers.

So farewell fair David. Idol just wasn’t your thing. You once had dreams of being the King of Idol, unfortunately America just saw you as a Queen of Denial. Ah but fear not my young ‘mo, who knows, one day I bet you’ll be a best Cher impersonator this side of Lucky Changs.

Peace, Love and You Know What I Mean,

Kristi

Greetings Idol Fans!

Ooooooooo!! Did you see the new Idol logo? It so new and shiny!

Speaking of new and shiny, Ryan been hitting the tanning bed and obviously has been drinking some major happy juice. He’s quite tan and giddy tonight. He gives us a tour of the new stage and then the Top 12 make their big entrance.

Hey Jude, guess what tonight’s theme is… the Lennon/McCartney song book. In honor of this momentous occasion, Idol does a 2 minute reel on the dynamic song writing duo. Yep…. songs that have stood 40 years as major influences in music, and they get 2 whole minutes on a 2 hour music show. Wow. (insert sarcastic eye-roll here.) I actually just watched the movie “Across the Universe” so I am well versed in Beatles songs. So obviously I’m just a bit afraid of a karaoke “Helter Skelter” or “I am the Walrus” Goo Goo G’Joob.

Syesha does a very Vegas-y version of “Got To Get You Into My Life.” I wasn’t sure where she was taking the song at first… but then she evened it out and took it right past the All You Can Eat buffet at Caesars.

Chikezie used to work at LAX and got to screen Paula a few times. Bet he had to sign an NDA to keep quiet about all her meds. He covers “She’s A Woman” with a bluegrass arrangement that morphs into weird rock mash-up with screeches and heel kick-ups. It was a lot of fun. Who knew a boy from Inglewood had the country in him!?! Based on Ryan’s reaction and jolly antics around the stage, I think Seacrest might have a little man crush on the Chik dude. Stay tuned…

Ramiele works at a Sushi restaurant and chronically smells like soy sauce. Unfortunately, the usually saucy little one fell a little short (and I don’t mean her height.) She did a pretty dull version of “In My Life” and practically put the audience to sleep face first in their tempura.

Jason looks like he could be a character in that movie 10,000 B.C. with those dreads. Luckily his musical skills are much more advanced than that of his cro-magnon brethren. His “If I Fell” was groovy and melodic. His vocals aren’t are big as some of the other idols, but there’s a raw, earthy vibe to them that I think people will really dig.

Carly works her Irish vibe in again. Yeah we get it. Blarney, Guinness and potatoes. OK I’m over it. She just belted out an amazing cover of “Come Together” that was a little bit Beatles, little bit Heart and a whole lot of kick-ass. or should I said kick”arse?”

David C is looking a bit creepier every week. I think that’s because the Idol hair stylists are getting at him and they are not helping that receding hair line one bit. He does a ColdPlay/Fuel inspired cover of “Eleanor Rigby” wearing an A-HA/Corey Hart inspired jacket.

Brooke used to be a nanny and misses the kids… yeah, changing dirty diapers is SO much cooler than fame, fortune and a clothing allowance. She breaks down “Let It Be” into an amazingly pure performance that would even silence the crankiest of babies (Simon included.)

David H took a Beatles 101 class in college. How’s that for a Pass/Fall elective!?!? All I had was Astronomy and that sucked. He covers “Saw Her Standing There” with a cheesy goodness. Unfortunately, I think she be running the other way on this one. It was just bad karaoke.

Amanda is totally glammed out and looking rocker hot tonight. I just have one issue with her look (OK more than one, but I have to keep this blog relatively short) What is with her affection for stripes? Her hair’s striped, her pants are striped… either she thinks it’s really slimming or she wants to be a zebra in another life. Good thing she’s a singer in this lifetime because she’s rocking out Idol like never before. Her southern rock spin on “You Can’t Do That” blows the roof off the joint.

Michael coaches tennis. He says it’s for the money… but I think it’s so he can wear headbands and get away with it. He covers “Across The Universe” with a bit of a monotonous tone. He didn’t do much with performance so I can’t do much with my recap of it.

Kristy Lee again reminds us what a small town country girl she is. <Yawn> Her jeans went through a paper shredder. Didn’t they go out in the 90’s? I’ll tell you what else is out… her performance. She twang-afies “8 Days A Week” and left me a little disturbed. I’m all about the country thing, but did she have to pull out the washboards and moonshine jugs? That sounded like something the Hatfields would play really loud just to annoy the McCoys. Yee Haw.

David A doesn’t really know any Beatles songs. OK I don’t care how young you are, if you are a musician, you know the Beatles. Period. He does a high school rendition of the Stevie Wonder rendition of the Beatles song “We Can Work It Out.” Uh, wait a sec… I’m sorry, where are the words “Ma na nana la na” in this song? Yeah that’s right, he forgot his words. He might as well just dropped trow center stage. Has the little lovable hobbit fell from grace?

I’m not sure where Idol will take the results show… but if they bring back the “Bottom 3″ I’m guessing Syesha, David H and Kristy will take the dishonors. Tune in tomorrow night when we find out who’s taking “Abbey Road” to the Top 10 and who’s Idol dreams are so “Yesterday.”

Peace, Love and A Hard Days Night,
Kristi

WHOH-OH Girls just wanna have fu-un….. Well, that and a spot in the Idol Top 12.

Greetings Idol Fans!

We are back for our second night of songs from the decade that gave us spandex, Jelly Bracelets, Miami Vice and the designer series Trapper Keepers. Dude, who needs a CrackBerry when you can have all your personal effects in a 11 x 12″ portable plastic filing system? Totally Tubular.

Anyhoo, on with the show!

Asia’h

She once was an extra in a movie for a roller skating scene and fell on her ass. She took on “I Wanna Dance With Someone” by Whitney and not once did her raspy-voiced little buttcheeks hit the floor. Randy and Paula loved it (Paula was dancing around like a drunken sorority girl) and of course Simon hated it calling it second rate Whitney. As good as Whitney is, being a second rate is a huge compliment. Being a second rate music producer <AHEM>… now that’s something to be ashamed of.

Kady

The personality minus Barbie once ruined her performance in her high school talent show as well as the audio equipment… fascinating. Too bad she couldn’t have pulled the audio plug before her performance tonight. Her lackluster cover of Queen’s “Forever” from the movie Highlander left me thinking that she will be the only one…. buying a bus ticket back to Houston.

Amanda

I don’t know how she did it, but Amanda burnt down her pool. Was if filled with lighter fluid or something? Thankfully the siding on her house is not the only thing smokin’. She toned down the hair and the outfit and went back to her simple Leather Tuscadero ways on Joan Jetts’ “Hate Myself For Lovin You” She does a really great job. But at this point, I think she feel so “fish out of water” with this pop show, that anything she does is just a little off. You gotta wonder if she is just hatin’ on the “Idol Machine.”

Carly

This girl’s world revolves around either a tattoo shop or a pub. Her little known fact was that she owned a tat shop with her tatted up hubbie. Her second job is at an Irish Pub and now her most embarrassing moment is getting her leg stuck in railing at a bar and the greasing it up to get it out. I almost think she’s on the wrong reality show. I think Bravo should be casting her for LA Ink. They could spin her off and call it “Blarney Ink.” Of course, Bravo will have to wait. After her cover of “I Drove All Night” by Cyndi Lauper, she’ll be hanging around the Idol lot for a few more weeks.

Kristy Lee

Her most embarrassing moment is that as a kid she used to pretend she was a dog and bark at people. Oh and she let pet RATS ride around on her back. Ok I am seriously starting to question this “Girl Next Door” thing she does. I would seriously consider moving out of that neighborhood. She attempts to win Randy’s love with a cover of Journey’s “Faithfully” and Simon’s by putting a country spin on it like he told her to last week. Thankfully, the producers put her on a mike stand to limit the number of lunges she could do during her performance this week. Overall, I don’t think she’s as good as she thinks she is. You would think the TWO (count them…. ONE…TWO) labels that dropped her would have given her the same idea.

Ramiele

In 5th grade, she left her picture for a boy she liked at his house. I guess it’s not stalking when you’re 11. Anyway when he found the picture, he and his mom laughed at it. Well, who’s laughing now. She sings Phil Collins’ “Against All Odds” and powers through it. I am still amazed that big voice can come out of something that tiny. I think Paula is too. She rambles on about more vocal colors and textures and loving mutts. Well I have to believe she’s amazed… it’s that or she’s off her meds again.

Brooke

She once grabbed the wrong guy after church. Not like in a sicko way. She just thought it was her dad. She takes “Love is a Battlefield” by Pat Benatar to a smokey Lower East Side acoustic place and it’s frickin’ awesome. She keeps evolving every week musically and stylishly. The camera is liking her more every week.

Syesha

In 2nd grade, she wrote a love note to a boy and gave him a piece of gum. The loser ate the gum and told the teacher on her. Bastard. Oh well, she’s better off. He’s probably kicking himself now anyway. She’s frickin’ hot! She’s also hot vocally on “Savin’ All My Love” by Whitney. Syesha, girl, I think it’s safe to say that kid can stick that gum, well, you know where and blow some major bubbles.

Well I think the 2 pretty little blondes will be packing it up this week. Kady and Kristy should be gone. Neither one have really stood out as great singers or great personalities. For the most part, they’ve been interchangeable blonde eyec andy and personally, I’m getting a serious cavity.

Tune in tomorrow night as the axe falls and the TOP 12 are given passage to the big show!

Peace, Love and They Just Wanna, They Just Wanna,
Kristi

I got me a Chrysler, it seats about 20, so hurry up and bring your IDOL money!!!!!!!!!!!!

Greetings Idol Fans!

It’s 80’s weeks and the last chance for the Idol kids to make it to the big show… the Top 12. Like always the guys are up first to us down to Funkytown. As a special bonus, we get the guys most embarrassing moments.

Luke

His sister once dressed him up like a ballerina and took pictures. He was like 8 so there wasn’t too much traumatic damage. Although enough for him to think a Wham song was a good song choice. He falsetto’ed his way through “Wake Me Up” but George Michael he ain’t. Simon called it girlie.. which is just ironic since Cowell is the biggest sissy in heals this side of Le Cage.

David A

The adorable little phenom once forgot his lyrics during a concert and his Mom hopped up on stage and had to finish the song. Now THAT is a stage mom. I’m sensing a pattern with this kid. He’s all socially conscious and crap. Last week it was “Imagine,” this week it’s Phil Collins “Another Day in Paradise” and on the piano no less. Dude, wait until you have some fame before you start throwing it around to “gain awareness” for stuff. Just focus on the teeniebopper drones you need to vote for you each week and sing us a upbeat ditty, will ya, Sweetcheeks?

Danny

OMG, IDK how could our resident punk pixie have survived? He actually tripped up the stairs at the movies in front of his crush! ONHD! TMTH… ABCDEFG….. XYZ…. WTF!?!? Text talk people… very 21st century… get a text plan and a teenager that can show you how to use it. Danny found the perfect 80’s song for him in “Tainted Love” The song even worked for the the pouty pixie’s plastic members only jacket.

David H

David once completed an entire photo shoot with a big booger in his nose. Guess the budget did have enough for proof-shots. He goes chick song on us and breaks out the Celine Dion 90’s cover of the Pandora’s Box song “It’s All Coming Back To Me Now.”

Michael

The Aussie was a Kangaroo Mascot in Australia and got his ass kicked but a bunch of rugby hooligans. Man do I wish I could have seen that! He does a decent cover of Simple Minds “Don’t You Forget About Me” but I don’t want to talk about the song this week. I would like to gripe about the blatant thievery on stage. Last week, Bono’s very essence was ripped from his be-goggled soul… the week before, he raised Jim Morrison from the dead. This week it was Michael Stipe… the guy steals everyone else’s stage moves!! Does the guy have his OWN stage persona or does he just have to keep ripping off the greats? If he pulls out the prancing Mic Jagger next week, I’m going ballistic.

David C

The resident rocker with the receding hairline sang “Sandman” in a talent competition as a kid and forgot the words. When he started playing the melody of “Hello” by Lionel Richie, I thought he lost his mind. But then… then he started banging on the guitar and rockin’ it out… and the song actually didn’t sound as p_ssy as it usually does on the lite FM stations.

Jason

The big blue eyed hacky sacker’s dreds once fell off in his hand while on a date. It’ just adds to his hippie street cred and makes him cuter to all the granola girls out there. Tree hugger chicks still dig him. He breaks into an innocent and unassuming rendition of the Leonard Cohen classic (made famous by Jeff Buckley) “Hallelujah.” But most Idol fans probably know it from Shrek… but I think a lot more will remember Jason’s version tonight.

Chikezie

He is most embarrassed about using the women’s bathroom in high school… not because he was a perv… just because he never read the sign on the door. He goes for the smooth 80’s gold soul with “All the Woman I Need.” He’s a smooth balladeer who personally I thinks looks like the kind of guy you just want to hang with. Hopefully he’ll hang around another week.

OK so which two guys aren’t heading to the Love Shack and the Kodak Theater with the rest of the Idol posse? I think Luke is definitely go-going after that Wham song. I think the Dawson’s Creek forehead, Luke Perry hairline, Orlando Bloom eye thing is wearing thin. Unfortunately, Danny Noriega is VoteForTheWorst’s poster-child and, because of that, we have to suffer through the “Sanjaya Effect.” Which means, although he probable should, Danny won’t go home and that leaves Chikezie to take the hit. I hope I’m wrong and America wakes up but heck, it took us weeks to get rid of Sanjaya last year.

Anyhoo, the girls are up tomorrow!

Peace, Love and Tin Roof Rusty!
Kristi